Is tracking BF's weight loss too intrusive? (r/Relationships) - Live Commentary

so welcome back to decoy noise where i'm

covering another story over in r slash


in me a 29 year old female with my

partner a 30 year old male

weight loss tracking intrusive so as

always i take the story and i read in

its entirety then i rush it over to

decoy court where i give you my

knee-jerk reaction i read over some of

the top comments and the controversial

comments then i'll read your comments

down below

let's go ahead and get to the story

right now so op wrote my partner is

trying to lose weight

disclaimer i didn't suggest it and i

genuinely don't care what size he is

except that it's making him feel

insecure however

he is resolutely in denial about weight

loss actually requires

eating less he's convinced that if he

adds tomatoes to everything it'll boost

his metabolism

stuff like that but won't consider

cutting his portions or tackling his

crisp and pepsi habit

on some level i suspect food is a

comfort that he's reluctant to give up

so as an experiment for the past two

weeks i've been noting down everything

he's consumed and calculating the total


the idea was to show him this to him to

see he

to show him exactly what he's really

eating and how it's more than he


the reason i didn't tell him beforehand

is the knowledge of observation would

change his behavior

and the results but now i'm actually

wondering if i'm being creepy and


not helpful should i just delete the

list and let him figure things out on

his own

too long didn't read unsure if a

well-intentioned help is in fact creepy

so as always i take the case and i rush

it over to decoy court i don't know why


judging these strangers online but i

guess you know to put my feedback on the

situation is it really just depends on

how this information is being delivered

like i understand the idea is

it would probably be a more you know

they're in their 30s pretty much and

a more adult way to go about this would

be hey

maybe we should create a food diary just

to show like hey

a lot of people don't understand that

you know a starbucks unicorn frappe or a

can of soda

that can oftentimes be the same amount

of calories of a

chipotle burrito and they don't realize

that you know before lunch they've

already consumed

the equivalency of the heaviest meal of

the day for most people

so they're we're probably concerned with

hey if i tell them i'm tracking them

they'll probably start eating in secret

which is just going to deeply

you know if they're already eating just

out of out of a

as like a security blanket type of thing

it's just going to push them more into

into like a a hidden eating type of

thing so

they just wanted to see it as you know

in their natural habitat type of


and with this over here it's just if

they deliver this information as

a hey you didn't lose any weight while

that kind of sucks we'll

i've kind of been tracking it did you

realize that you're consuming x amount

of calories instead of that many

calories and that's the problem like you


even if you have tomatoes or even if you

have uh

you do intermittent fasting or anything

that's like you know the instagram and


the youtube and the facebook short

little clips will say like or the little

infographic saying

oh this is how you lose weight because

it's just you're you're not having

enough fiber you're not having this or


just any of those things that are just

trying to promote some sort of product

sell you something

make you have a membership or something

or just subscribing or clicking on

something that's essentially clickbait

that's just

not there to help you actually

accomplish your goal it's there to

profit off of you and if they're just

like okay let's give let's give you some

hard facts as opposed to you know feel

goodery that is essentially those you


uh motivational speeches about weight


that would make sense when they're

actually trying to like you know get

down to the nuts and bolts of weight

loss as opposed to whatever they're in

whatever is telling them adding a tomato

to every dish is going to make you lose


from a nice way from a supportive

girlfriend way like i don't care how

much you weigh but

here's why you're not expecting you're

not hitting your goals like nothing

would be more frustrating than trying

really hard to change your life

and getting nowhere and feeling like oh

man i am i am trapped in this life

forever i'm trapped in my body oh my god

i feel helpless that would be very very

hard to watch your significant

other go through that type of constant

disappointment so as long as it's coming

from the right place

being supportive and trying to help them

out learning the facts and the truth

about the world

cool but not if it was just like ha yeah

you didn't lose weight well here's all

the calories right hey

hey check out are you opening up another

soda right now well you know

like you know using it almost as a way

to bully them as opposed to support them

that would be the negative way so i'm

gonna go ahead and say that this person

right here is just you know not the

antagonist and also probably a bit of no

antagonist here you know the

the the boyfriend is seeing that they

have an issue in their life and they're

trying to better themselves and trying

to feel more healthy

good on them for even trying it it's not

their fault that they probably

only have exposure to you know weight

loss with some small instagram video

that's saying hey add a tomato to every

dish and lose 10 pounds in two weeks

like something like that

hey subscribe for more information just

like that it can be easy or something

that's you know misleading them

hey they're a victim of what our social

media is right now

nlp as long as it's coming from the

right place they're also not the

antagonists because maybe they're just

they don't they're even second guessing

their good intentions on the internet so

that should probably tell you

more about their life than anything else


as always we'll take a short break

before we hit those top comments and the

controversial comments because i want to

hear what you guys are thinking if you

like the decoy court judging random

strangers online in this

you know different phase of decoy noise

let me know but let's go ahead and get

to those top comments right now so

the top comment was your intentions were

constructive not malicious

but you're right that it will feel

intrusive it will definitely make him

feel attacked and defensive and

overwhelmingly undermine anything

positive you are trying to achieve

awesome job recognizing that and asking

for outside opinions

so one thing i'll say here is

yes good job for acting asking outside

opinions but the idea is like this


help at all this was just yeah you're

being you're doing a good job but

they're gonna feel attacked so don't do

it so then what

is the what is the

what's the the solution to this it's

like i feel like the sad part is the

solution to this is just you know

everybody putting on their big boy pants

and saying hey sometimes

doing better is going to hurt sometimes

trying to change your life is going to


you know harsh and not not everything

can be kind of served you through this

very like you know

mommy and daddy making everything feel

better for you it's got to be harsh like


i don't know what would be a thing that

oh my god decoy your hair looks terrible


it's the stupidest haircut ever that

would probably be the only thing that

would like

motivate me to kind of change the way

i'm doing things but it it would

it could never come from hey uh so do

you like what you're doing with your

hair now like that's kind of weird

like it's never gonna it's never gonna

resonate with somebody unless you kind

of like

i'm being bullied by somebody or

whatever i know it's a terrible it's a

terrible analogy but

sometimes the the painful truth

has to come from a loved one if there's

a stranger like on the street you yell

at me like hey decoy your hair looks

dumb i was like yeah well if you too

buddy like that would be the thing but

if it came through

you know somebody was dating for a long

period of time they just i see me

through thick and thin and said hey look

i don't know your hair is kind of dumb


you got to change it i could see that

resonating more but let's go ahead and

get to the next top comment right now


i'd be extremely freaked out if my

significant other did this i think you

should delete the list if you want to

suggest that they track calories

show them an app for doing it and say

hey you might want to try this

and that honestly would probably be the

better way to go about it saying hey

you know here's an easier way to go

about it maybe being more like you know

not treating the significant other as a

toddler or

infant saying you know i don't trust you

to accurately track your calories so

let's go ahead and um

and and do this for you i'm going to

take this off your plate but the one

thing i would say is

we don't only get a small glimpse of

what op's life is and they say you know

they have a problem with

soda and crisp which is like i'm

guessing just like you know soda soda


a potato chips so we don't know the

extent of it like if i think of someone

that has a problem with soda and potato

chips i think of like you know

one of those lunch bag size potato chips

and maybe a can of soda

and then having one a day and that's

like oh man they really have an

addiction because i

am very self-aware i have an addiction

with soda and potato chips like i like

them and i probably consume them

way too often but if this op story is

just trying to be nice to their

significant other

and it's not just a little snack size of

soda and and uh

potato chips it's like a two liter

bottle before lunch and a two liter

bottle when they get home

and also multiple bags of potato chips a

day now

that would be kind of on the higher end

of a

soda and chip consumption but we really

don't know what it is and only op does

because they're in this situation so

you know us saying hey maybe we they're

not a secret eater maybe they are

this would be more on op side so i do

like the idea that you know

the top comments over here telling me

that i'm wrong and i understand why i

could be wrong and how somebody could

take it

horrendously bad if someone started

tracking their calories because i


feel like if someone was secretly

counting how much i ate and trying to

shove it in my face later on i'd be like

yo why'd you do that somebody's shaming

me right now i feel weird about it but

if it was someone like a loved one

that's saying hey look you know i know

you're trying to lose weight i want to

support you

did you realize that you're doing it

from the wrong end this would i feel

would be

more in line with me going to the gym

and just doing

man i want to get a bigger chest and

like you know shoulder workout and i'm

sitting there doing like you know

uh i don't know like using the cable

machine like

instead of like doing a deadlift from

like you know arching my back and

standing straight up i was just like

jerking my back up all up

up and down and doing the workouts the

wrong way damaging myself in the long

run i would think that like a loved one

should come up to me and say hey

did you know you're doing it wrong and i

feel like that would be a better more

constructive thing but

as always let me know what you guys are

thinking down below if you like the


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