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Couples Therapist Answers Frequently Googled Relationship Questions

I personally don't look at cheating and

in my work I don't look at cheating and

think that's the end

hi my name is Omar Torrez I'm a licensed

clinical social worker here in New York

and today we are going to answer the

most googled questions about

relationships what does a healthy

relationship look like in my experience

some of the healthier aspects of a

relationship that I noticed involve

mutual respect to people that have

similar interests but also separate

lives so they have their own friends

they have their own hobbies to have

their own interests and they can share

it with their partner here and there but

it's not contingent upon their partner

being there what is an open relationship

an open relationship is essentially any

non monogamous relationship if you're

considering an open relationship first

and foremost I would try and do a little

bit of research so there's a really

great book called the ethical and

honestly you know this might sound kind

of boring or cliche but open

communication you have to talk about

what the expectations are what the

boundaries are essentially you just want

to keep those lines of communication

open and it's gonna be an ongoing

conversation jealousy and open

relationships is common totally healthy

when those jealous feelings come up the

way you talk about it with your partner

is essential right so hey I'm having

these feelings they're really

uncomfortable I could really use your

support can we chat about this thing

that happened that's like kicking up

some stuff in me as opposed to you know

what some people do when they feel

really jealous is that they think I'm

not allowed to have this feeling so they

keep it inside and that tends to fester

sometimes resentment can grow from that

some folks are able to have sex with

another individual and not have it

impact the romantic relationship and

others have a really difficult time

doing there and it's something that

could work for some couples and may not

for others that's why the ongoing

conversations are so important and it's

also really important for you to know

for yourself what sex means to you and

to know what sex means for your partner

what is a poly relationship poly

relationships refer to more than just

two individuals in

romantic relationship so you may often

hear the term throttle what I've found

in poly relationships that are

successful is that there tends to be a

structure in place already there might

be one partner that sort of fulfills you

sexually and another partner that

fulfills you intellectually and so on

and so forth so everyone sort of like

has a role how to build trust in a

relationship for some people building

trust means spending time together

having experiences together I also find

that any kind of relationship that goes

through like a problem or like an issue

where they have to work together as a

team that can be a really bonding

experience so for individuals that have

a history of being cheated on you might

feel a little resistant or hesitant to

jump into a relationship and just trust

them fully so first and foremost go to

therapy right and and talk about the

experience of betrayal and make sure

that you feel fully healed and sort of

on the other end of all that pain and

betrayal because that's a lot that's a

lot to go through so that way you can

enter into the new relationship not

necessarily giving them all of your

trust right away but allowing them to

work for that trust I will say that I

have seen relationships recover

beautifully from cheating and from

affairs so I I personally don't look at

cheating and in my work I don't look at

cheating and think that's the end right

that that's that the affair is seen as a

symptom of a larger issue that needs to

be addressed how to make a long-distance

relationship work when it comes to

long-distance relationships you have to

be mindful of how you're investing in

that relationship right so how often are

you speaking are you emailing are you

texting are you facetiming another

really good strategy that I find for

long-distance relationships is to plan

anywhere between three to six months out

in advance what the travel plans will be

putting that on a calendar will give the

two of you something to look forward to

how do you know when your relationship

is over

if you really don't feel strongly one

way or the other about the relationship

or about your partner that is definitely

a sign that something's off and it may

mean that you need to renegotiate the

terms of the relationship or that the

relationship maybe isn't right for you

anymore or at that time what I've also

noticed is that folks that feel like the

relationship is ending we'll often think

about future plans but without their

partner how to get over a relationship

first and foremost it's recognizing that

this sort of thing takes time allow

yourself to be set there's nothing wrong

with being sad and upset after a

relationship remember things like oh

yeah they used to like never show up for

me or oh yeah they lied all the time so

to sort of go over the things that

weren't so great about the relationship

and then finally to think about things

that have nothing to do with the

relationship take up a hobby spend time

with friends this isn't something that

happens overnight this isn't something

that you know it doesn't necessarily

take a couple of weeks or maybe even a

couple of months it's a case by case

should I get back together with my ex

some of the things that you want to be

mindful of is time apart you know was

there enough time between the breakup

and now that allowed for the two of you

to learn and grow and heal from the past

pain or is it going to feel like a

continuation of the same and if it is a

continuation of the same then you're

probably going to run into the same

issues obviously so I hope you all found

that helpful and I hope some of the

answers I gave you provided a little bit

of insight or a little bit of hope or

inspiration and barring anything extreme

I am a firm believer that there isn't

anything that a relationship can't

recover from if everyone involved agrees

to work together and to do the work

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