When is it time to quit grad school
Should I Quit Grad School?
should you quit graduate school if
you're thinking about it stick around
and let's chat today on navigating
academia
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what's up everybody my name is dr. J
Phoenix Singh and I want to welcome you
to this special edition of navigating
academia your leading source for
guidance on how to advance your career
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the social media accounts below so today
we're going to be talking about one of
the most serious things that you may
ever have thought of in your life which
is whether or not you should stop your
graduate school journey and pursue a
different path in life this is something
where we've all been there we have all
felt helpless and hopeless and
frustrated and almost like we're
wandering aimlessly in the wilderness
when it comes to doing our doctoral
project and writing up our doctoral
dissertation it is a lengthy process you
by the time that you get to the end of
it we'll have pivoted so many times in
terms of the topic area that you're
focusing on your exact project probably
your relationship with other people in
your doctoral cohort with your
supervisor with your department maybe
with the University at large where you
are it is a long and winding road as
they say and it can be one that has so
many obstacles along the way that you
may be thinking that this just isn't for
you I can tell you from my personal
experience in terms of when I was doing
my first doctorate I definitely had
these thoughts
doing a doctorate is unlike anything
that you will do in your entire life it
is a personal and academic Mount Everest
everything that you learned in your
undergraduate studies or even in master
studies will apply to such a small
extent that you may even forgot that you
went through those studies in the first
place
it is truly a different beast it is a it
serves a gatekeeping function unlike
anything else you have to prove yourself
in a way that I have found after you
actually get the doctorate no one puts
that much pressure on you there's still
a lot of it but nothing like for your
doctoral project the reason I say that
is again that gatekeeping function right
and the stress that you can feel because
of that can really take a toll on you I
want you to remember as we start this
conversation that people are going to
judge you no matter what you do in life
and this puts a lot of pressure on you
from family and friends and your cohort
and your university but more than
anything pressure that we have placed on
ourselves in terms of what we expect
from our life all of us during our
adolescent years and usually you know
these days people talk about adolescents
going all the way up to your late 20s
and most doctorates they start in their
20s or in their 30s I obviously have a
lot of friends who did their doctorates
when they were older my one friend his
name's pal he got his doctorate in his
mid-70s so pal I love you to death if
you're watching I have so much respect
for you it can be a situation where
adolescence reaches all the way up until
your late 20s this is what people
believe now it used to be believed okay
you're 18 you're done or you're 21
you're done and you know the cognitive
neuroscience literature to suggest that
you know it's much more complex than we
initially thought but during your teen
years what happens is that there's a
part of your brain and it's in between
kind of your eyes here it's literally
right here if you want to sound fancy at
a party just say dorsolateral prefrontal
cortex or DL PFC I
everybody will think that you're a super
nerd which I am so that totally works
for me but you can also expect that
usually people are just not gonna want
to talk to you anymore
but this is ingest but it's something
where this part of the brain starts to
experience something called myelin in
myelin ization and myelin ization is the
process by which remember from high
school biology a neuron kind of looks
like a spider well remember there's a
part called the axon this is kind of the
tail well all these fat cells start
coming and wrapping themselves around
the axon and what this results in
practically speaking is certain signals
that were always there in your brain all
of a sudden become crystal clear think
about it like going from low resolution
to high resolution or like high def TV
all of a sudden just got installed in
your house you know you always had the
coaxial cable ports to be able to make
it happen but all of a sudden now oh my
goodness you actually have access to
these really strong and clear signals
and one of the effects of that during
your teen years is something that's
referred to as the imaginary audience
meaning that you know we have this
belief that everybody's looking at us
and judging us so for example I'm sure
you'll remember some something in your
high school experience for me it was the
first time my freshman year in high
school when I tripped in a hallway and
fell down it's nobody cared nobody
talked about her said anything but I was
just incredibly embarrassed at this
whole thing I felt that everybody was
looking at me and judging me we've all
been there right same thing with a
second thing that happens due to this
myelin ization which is referred to as
the personal fable and the personal
fable has to do with us believing that
we are the protagonist in our own movie
basically and this is the movie of our
life all of us have the story of our
life and during our teen years it's as
if we have it planned out right we know
what's gonna happen so for example you
know I know that you know I'm gonna get
into the university that I want for
undergrad I know that you know I'm
can have children until I'm 25 10
another time I know that I'm not gonna
get into a car accident that's just not
part of my story and this can be really
dangerous because you know it dis
inhibits us to do things that we
wouldn't otherwise do for example you
know like texting and driving right so
many of the preponderance of teenage and
early 2010 --ts I have something to do
with texting right it's really dangerous
so please don't text and drive but what
happens is that people you know they
don't think about that because they say
that's not part of my story other people
text and drive and when they do that
they're done right but not me because
that's not part of my story other people
have you know sex and they you know
that's unprotected and you know end up
you know the woman gets pregnant but not
me that's not my story and what happens
is that oftentimes this extends to us
doing our doctrine saying this is a key
part of my life I always planned on this
being the story of my life and all of a
sudden the idea of stopping that story
throws us into an internal state of
chaos and oftentimes what can happen is
what's called cognitive dissonance which
is us rationalizing our behavior even if
it's hurting us so for example saying oh
man like I don't know why I'm doing this
doctrine well why would I be doing this
doctrine when I'm in so much pain and I
don't like it so much instead of that
and the easiest way to for us to
rationalize is to say well this must be
incredibly important this must be the
goal of my whole life it must be the
number one thing that will ever happen
to me and so we end up throwing
ourselves into it even more deeply and
so you know these things are all at play
all of these defense mechanisms all of
you know these these different
biological neurological changes that are
happening to us during adolescence which
again can extend up until our late 20s
where we still have that kind of
plasticity in terms of brain development
etc but in this all of it guys the
reason why I mention all of this is just
to understand the concept that we put
pressure on our
and we do this because this was supposed
to be part of if not the exclamation
point of our lives to date and the idea
of stopping can simultaneously be
liberating and absolutely terrifying and
this video is not made to be able to
tell you to quit graduate school it's
not the goal is though is to be able to
identify that there are certain classes
of issues and we're going to be
discussing three of them that you should
take into consideration if you're
thinking about is this really for me or
not so let's jump right in with class
number one and this is having very
significant health issues this is if
your physical health or your mental
health is being impacted to the point
where your quality of life is
essentially zero so your physical health
this could be dramatic weight gain or
dramatic weight loss I experienced
dramatic weight gain during my doctoral
studies I wasn't taking care of myself
wasn't dieting and exercising etc right
so that wasn't great and it's something
else which is luckily I didn't have
problems with but I know a lot of
graduate students who do is that
literally their hygiene will fall away
I had a friend when I was in grad school
who literally stopped brushing his teeth
he stopped doing laundry you know
instead of you know doing dishes and
using cutlery he would go to the store
and get you know like all the paper or
stuff you know like paper plates and
paper bowls and you know he would get
cutlery that looked like real cutlery
but it was plastic and I remember going
to his apartment cuz he was not in my
cohort he was in a different department
doing a different doctor in a different
subject but we ended up becoming buddies
through church so I would go and see him
and his place just smelled terrible and
you could tell that he just didn't care
at all everything was falling apart
because at the end of the day he had so
much focus on on finishing that
doctorate now he did end up finishing
and luckily he's doing great now right
he really is so he's a professor now
associate professor at university which
is very well respected but I just
remember these things happening to him
the second piece here is mental health
if it is something where you were
experiencing such severe depression such
that you have suicidal ideation you're
thinking about taking your own life this
is something where you need to seek help
you need to speak to someone and it is
not because you are weak or because
you're not as strong as somebody else
doing a doctrine and your cohort let's
say this is not the case it is such a
sign of strength to be able to go and
seek help it is something that at the
end of the day can provide that support
and that protective factor that buffer
against all the risk factors that you
usually see when you're doing a
doctorate it is critical that you go and
talk to someone a severe depression
severe anxiety anything where not only
your mental health is being impacted but
obviously in terms of depression and
anxiety which are ridiculously high
prevalence and graduate students
internationally these can have various
you know serious physical biological
consequences so these things are really
wrapped up in one another now I can tell
you that having a significant amount of
stress lack of sleep these sorts of
things is pretty normal when it comes to
doctorates so again it's something
though where you shouldn't think that
just because there's a high prevalence
that this is you know it's something
where you are weak or there's something
wrong with you or that it's not
justification for you to if nothing else
consider alternatives and you know if
you're feeling this way guys I am just
so sorry I know what it's like to be in
these circumstances I know how difficult
it can be and that if you're watching
this video it may be that you know
you're considering leaving your field
and I want you to understand that you
are not alone in this and so many people
have been through it and they've
succeeded and so many people have been
through it and have decided to leave and
gone on to do phenomenal things you are
not a loser you're not a failure if you
choose to make that decision if it's in
your best interest in terms of your
health
class number two of things to consider
is family issues let's say that you get
into the program and you have a partner
right you have someone who that you love
and this is your your life partner your
wife your husband whatever the the case
may be but you have someone who you've
developed this very tight bond with and
the reason I say you've come into the
program with it is because this is the
case where oftentimes relationship that
start during the doctorate in terms of
actually making the serious commitment
of marriage etc that usually happens
when the doctorate is done not always
obviously I have many friends who ended
up not only getting into relationships
but getting married during their
programs but I have found that largely
that's the exception rather than the
rule just my experience but having a
partner you know getting into this and
having them support you and use
supporting them it can end up being very
frustrating for them seeing you not only
go through all this stress but it's very
understandable that you're going to not
be able to emotionally be as present as
you may otherwise be let alone
physically present and that's something
to have a very serious conversation with
them about before even starting the
program and making sure the
communication is very open so they
understand what you're going through as
the process continues it can be very
trying a very difficult situation for
partners who have not been through these
kinds of studies themselves to really
get what you're going through and that
can be very very frustrating for you as
well as for them and of course it gets
even more complicated if and when you
have children during this time period
where you obviously want to make sure
that they have a very healthy attachment
to you and that you're physically
present and again emotionally present
and if you split find that you're
spending so little time you're running
out of money to be able to support them
if that is your role if that secure
attachment is not forming with your
child and if you are unable to meet the
love languages of your partner this is
something where you really need to take
a step back and think about the prior
in your life because there is nothing
more important in this life than your
family let alone your children so this
is a class of issues to really be
thinking about and all I'm trying to do
here is to be able to provide you with
the general structure of things to
consider not to say that just because
maybe you've had a few more arguments
with your partner or that instead of
going to every soccer game with your kid
oh you're only going to every third
soccer game but that you should you know
leave your program all I'm saying is
that in terms of a structure for you to
think about these issues this this is a
really important one
number three is if you're having career
issues and what I mean here is that
maybe you're just no longer passionate
about this career maybe you've been
exposed to certain things in the career
where you say this is totally different
than what I thought it was going to be
and I just don't agree with what's
happening in this field or the
individuals you know who are in the
field have a very rigid structure that's
gonna make it near impossible for me to
be able to have upward mobility or it's
a field that's kind of on its way out
I've had several colleagues where that
that has happened during the course of
their doctorate these fields can change
very rapidly in certain cases as
literature's build and certain things
that were once in vogue stopped being in
vogue the second of course is that if
you have a compelling alternative
opportunity I went to graduate school
with someone who was incredibly talented
and so smart and during her doctorate
she got a job opportunity from a leading
consultancy company that was going to
pay her six figures had such a
supportive mentor and boss it would give
her the opportunity to travel which was
so important for her and where she would
be able to still operate within the
discipline but from a different
perspective than an academic one and she
took the opportunity it's now been
almost a decade and she's still with
that group and she has had a phenomenal
life she would not have had that
opportunity if she had not made that
very difficult decision to say you know
what this is much more alluring and has
a lot more promise of a healthy and
happy future for me than staying in the
graduate program so if you have a an
opportunity that is too good to pass up
you should simply use that as one piece
of evidence in terms of your
consideration process number three in
terms of career issues is if it is
getting to the point where it is simply
taking too long to justify your
continuing in the field so our four with
the doctorate rather not in the fuel
what I mean by this is I have friends
who've been doing their doctorate for
over 12 years now
Sam doctorate barely getting paid
anything
they've got side hustles they're driving
for uber for lyft to be able to make
ends meet they've got two roommates
they've got no social life whatsoever
they're certainly not in relationships
all they do is their doctoral projects
and there's really no sign of anything
letting up and this can be incredibly
frustrating and it is the case where if
you have really never been in the real
world as it is it can get to the point
where you just need to kind of cut your
losses and this can be a really
difficult thing to think about but if
you're going for you know 12 15 I had
one colleague 20 years doing the
doctorate which seems impossible but
they had a lot of stuff kind of going on
I don't know why the program didn't
essentially cut them after that period
of time which is ludicrous
but they ended up getting lawyers
involved to make sure that they didn't
kind of you know end up getting kicked
out etc they were you know an abd all
but dissertation and oftentimes when
that happens you know they'll just
essentially let a linger or almost you
know permanently and you know without
charging you know any additional fees to
that graduate student and just assuming
that it's never going to happen so so
this is a situation where you really
need to think about if it is taking you
know such an absurdly long time to do
the doctorate isn't something where to
be able to to get out and be able to
explore opportunities other than this
may be a wise decision for you alright
everyone thank you so much for watching
I want to hear from you in the comments
below are you thinking about quitting
your program
why and have you sought out advice on
making the decision and what have other
people been telling you what have they
been communicating with you remember not
to jump to conclusions especially
emotional decision-making is not a good
idea
don't make life-altering decisions
without a considerable amount of
forethought and communication with the
people in your life especially your
doctoral supervisor if you have that
healthy kind of a relationship and if
not there of course will be people at
your university who are independent who
serve this kind of counseling function
that you can speak with I personally
decide to be able to stick with my
graduate studies despite hardship
everything obviously ended up working
out great
but I can tell you that there were days
where it was really tough it was really
hard and not making those emotional
decisions not jumping off the boat ended
up being good decision for me but I can
tell you that my career even after the
doctorate has taken so many pivots and
you got to be ready for those pivots and
get off that personal of this sense of
having this personal fable that your
life is going to be exactly what you
thought you got to get on that magic
carpet of life and just be open and
flexible and really have that sense of
mindfulness to be able to be present in
your life because you will end up
finding it to be so much more rewarding
than to be rigid in terms of your
thinking everyone I appreciate you don't
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mentoring you really need somebody
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website below all right everyone I'm
signing off have a great day and
remember to get out there take chances
and always be your best self thank you
so much for stopping by everyone it's a
pleasure to have you here as always if
you enjoyed this video and you'd like to
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