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How Not To Get Irritated By Your Wife/Husband - Sadhguru Speaks!

Speaker: This question is from Deepika,

“Sadhguru, you said in one of the darshans that you are,

you should treat everyone, just as you treat, treat me.

Sadhguru you are a karuna avatar.

But I have one inhuman, nasty creature in my home.

It becomes difficult to see you in him, how to deal with him in this situation?

Sadhguru: In how many years of marriage does this evolution happen?

Or it's a devolution.

I'm sure he was a wonderful, romantic, wonderful man at one time.

I don't know in how many years of marriage does he become a nasty creature?

And how much role you have in making a nasty creature?

See, especially if he is nasty creature, especially if it is so,

this is your perception.

But especially if somebody is a nasty creature in your home

or in your office or wherever you are.

You're seeing something in a certain way is not about them.

It's about you.

Do you want to keep your eyes, your mind, your heart, your body,

pleasant or unpleasant? You make up your mind on that one.

Now, if you look at him, I said even that nasty creature,

please look at him. It's like me.

I'm not telling you that:

you have to listen to his teachings or take new practices from him.

No, I'm saying,

if you have looked at me with a certain sense of reverence, devotion, love,

affection, whatever is your emotion.

If you have, please see everything with that, because all I'm saying is:

you have a body, you have a mind you have an emotion, energy

we're talking about your emotion right now.

If you hit a certain level of sweetness of emotion, at one point in your life,

either because of your love or devotion or compassion or whatever,

you hit a certain level of sweetness.

This is the high point in your life.

Now you should not come back from that you must see how to go beyond that.

I am saying whatever was the highest

or the sweetest or the most wonderful emotion you had

make that the baseline. Why are you coming back again?

If you did not know such an emotion, then what would I tell you?

Which is the sweetest emotion you had in your life?

My child, okay, see, everybody as your child.

We’ve told you that at one time.

Then I saw you sat here with tears of blissfulness and love coming out of you.

Then I said, see everybody as you're looking at me, right now.

Because this will make your eyes, your mind, your heart,

your body and your very being sweet and wonderful.

This is not about him.

Especially if he's being difficult.

Then you're being well trained.

Even if you go to hell you will do well.

Yes.

Because nobody has guaranteed you.

Have I ever told you, “I will get you a ticket to heaven?”

I've been constantly threatening you, “Right here things will happen”.

So, you must understand this is about your transformation.

The problem with you is

because you read, what are those?

Well, I don't want to take names anyway.

You did, read all those romantic books when you're a teenager

and then you imagined all kinds of things.

You're not first of all straight with yourself.

Your hormones are working up.

Suddenly you look at somebody, “Wow!

I can't believe she's so beautiful. She's so fantastic.

He's so handsome. He is so wonderful.

Everything he does, ah.” You're bullshitting yourself.

No, no.

Whatever they do, you make you yourself beautiful.

Now even if they're doing nasty things, you're still wonderful.

This is different.

You know, they're doing nasty things, and you're still wonderful.

This is fantastic.

They are doing nasty things, but you think they're doing beautiful things.

This is a stupid nonsense.

I’ll tell you, somebody who was serving in Indian Army told me this story

because we went through a similar situation somewhere else.

So at that time, he was narrating this.

They were posted in the north-eastern region

where there's a certain amount of elephant population.

So he is a battalion leader, he's heading about a group of eighteen to twenty people,

I think they are marching in the forests and they see a huge tusker,

everybody backs off

all of them have weapons, okay, powerful weapons.

This is anti-insurgency group that means they are fully armed and equipped.

They can shoot down a tusker from hundred meters, two-hundred meters,

whatever they want.

But they all back off because that's not the reason why they are there.

But he was telling me this

because this some situation happened like this with one South Indian person,

so suddenly there was one Tamil man in the thing who was a sergeant,

Havildar, he put his weapons down and he said, “Ganapathy has come.

Ganesha, Ganesha!” and he started chanting a mantra.

He knew some Ganapathy mantra, he started chanting,

he ran in front and he went close to the elephant just fifty feet away

and went down on his knees and started loudly saying the chant,

the elephant looked at him, “Who is this bloody fool?” You know,

calling him all kinds of names that he doesn't like.

And these people were watching, this is some kind of a miracle happening.

The elephant is just standing there and this guy's on his knees chanting,

the elephant moved so quickly and within less than two seconds,

or within probably five seconds, he was upon him,

he just crushed him, turned back and went.

These people were just aghast and they just watching him being crushed.

Then some people pulled out the weapons when the person whom I knew,

was in charge of it

he calmed them down because it's already dead.

The man is dead in one shot.

Why I'm saying this to you is: elephant will not do,

wild elephant is not going to do pleasant things to you because you call him a god.

You call him Ganapathy and try to worship him.

He's not going to do, he will do what he has to do.

Similarly, the creature in your house.

He will do what he has to do. Whatever is his characteristic.

It is just about you. I'm talking.

You're always thinking of life as a relationship.

No, no, I want you to understand,

before you were born, or even when you were being born

you did not have a relationship even with your mother.

This is going to be very unpopular.

People are going to pick on me, but please look at it.

You don't have a relationship.

You just have an existence.

Relationship happened because of your needs, you saw her as your food, you went for her

you saw her as the basis of your survival.

You recognized that quickly, you know, the moment a child is born,

hand her over to another man or another woman,

and let them take care of all the child's needs,

child will immediately go to them.

This whole idea that you think it's coming to you

because you're the mother and you delivered,

no, it is because of the needs you form relationships.

Otherwise there is just existence.

This existence can either become conscious

and live in a phenomenal presence and become available to it.

Or just do or go on doing the circus. Initially,

your mother was everything. She was the most fantastic creature

and then you grew up, you became an adolescent and you saw a boy,

he was the most fantastic man, in the world,

then your mother came in between suddenly you started hating her.

Hello.

Then the man came, he was most beautiful.

Then he became a nasty creature, or so you thought.

Now you think he's the worst human being, this goes on.

I want you to understand you're making up both beauty and nasty.

I am not asking you to make up.

I am not asking you to think whatever this person is doing is fantastic.

That's a stupid way to exist.

It's just that if you see everything, whatever is the peak experience you had,

make that the baseline, this is growth.

You played the snake and the ladder game, choing, choing, chisk,

You played that game? Snake and the ladder game.

So when you play this game, your intent is once you climb a ladder,

you don't want to come back. You don't want to hit a snake.

You want to find another ladder, another ladder go up,

that's a natural expression of life.

So once you know a certain level of sweetness, within you, don't bring it down.

That should be the basis.

The next thing should be better and better.

So when I said, every, right now you were sitting here with tears of ecstasy

and love like this with me, then I said, “Let this be the basis.

Don't go down from this.

See everything as this.” At least let this much happen.

If this is continuously happening, constantly happening,

then of course you will hit another ladder.

Just a little bit of time.

Don't come down. That's all I said.

And please don't describe him as a nasty creature, poor man.

This happened, I think I told you,

maybe one of these days only I told you, I don't remember but let me repeat this,

Shankaran Pillai thought his wife is having an affair, hired a detective.

I'm saying it loudly because just to remind you, said, “I want proof against her”.

So detective just waited outside the house, the she left the house.

He followed her. Then she went to, parked near a park, went inside.

A man was sitting on the bench.

The moment he saw her, he came running, she went running, they hugged each other

held hands and sat down on the bench and chatting away joyfully, laughing.

He took the whole video and within a few hours,

he came to Shankaran Pillai in his office and said,

“I got all the proof that you wanted, just in one day.

I did my job. I have the proof, here watch the video”.

Shankaran Pillai started watching the video and said “No,

I can't believe this. No, no, this can't be, I can't believe this.

No, I can't believe this.” He said, “What you Can't believe? It's a video.

It's not doctored.

It's just a video that I took just now.”

He said, “That's not the point fool, I can't believe she's so much fun.”

So after fifteen days is over, when the man goes away somewhere,

then you will see how much fun he was.

Don't do this to yourself.