When is it time to let go of an ex
When It's Time To Let Go Of Your Ex...
hey what's up Chris sader here founder
of ex-boyfriend recovery and today we're
gonna be talking about when you should
let go of your ex or if you should let
go of your ex basically I'm just gonna
tell you the signs that will tell you if
you should let go of your ex okay but
first before we get started I always
like to recommend to anyone who is new
to this process and wants to figure out
if they even have a chance of getting
their ex back to simply go to our
website WWF's boyfriend recovery calm
and take the quiz that I put together
there this quiz is specially designed to
answer the question of if you have a
chance of getting your ex back or not
taking the quiz is a very easy simply
look in the description below this
YouTube video click on the link you see
there it's going to take you to a page
that will ask you lots of background
questions about you your ex and your
relationship or your time together based
on how you answer those questions we're
actually going to run them through an
algorithm based on my own personal
experience as well as what we know to be
true about exes and breakups in general
and come up with a score for you so that
you have an idea of what kind of chance
you have of getting your ex back now if
you score lowly and you're thinking oh I
have no chance of getting my ex back
don't worry we have you covered we're
actually gonna also take your answers
and recommend personalized advice based
on how you answered your quiz on what
you should be doing in your situation so
taking this free 2 minute quiz is super
easy simply look in the description
below the YouTube video click on the
link you see there and we'll hook you up
alright so let's get to talking about
when you should let go of your ex
alright so how do you know when it's
time to let go when it's time to truly
just give up on your situation and move
on to someone else and it's an
interesting question that we're going to
be exploring today and there's actually
seven signs that I've been able to link
to kind of situations where it's a smart
idea to move on so let's just jump right
into those right now so the first one
that I think you should always consider
is the idea of an on-again off-again
relationship where nothing really
changes
now a lot of people when they ask me
Chris give me a situation where I'm
gonna have the best chance of getting my
ex back and I'll often tell that person
I actually think the person with the
very best chance of getting near exes
back would be someone who's been
consistently in an on-again off-again
relationship with her ex now why well
there's already a historical precedent
set of hey you're able to have gotten
this person back before the question is
a little flawed because someone who
asked me Chris give me a situation where
I'll have the best chance it doesn't
necessarily mean give me a situation
where I'll have the best chance of
sustaining a long-term relationship I
always like to kind of you on again off
again relationship sort of like a wheel
right so as the wheel turns it goes from
on again to off again then back to on
again the back to off again and really
the challenge lies in breaking this
pattern and I find that the pattern is
extremely difficult to break and I think
you know the whole point of this is to
be able to break the pattern by not
repeating the sins of the past right so
if you think about it if you look at
your relationship with your ex and you
think about all the times that you've
gotten back together has that original
problem that caused you to break up and
press it throughout have you just been
repeating the same behaviors over and
over again because if that's the case
there's no historical precedent being
set that anything is going to be
different going forward so that could be
a situation where it might be a good
idea to start looking at moving on the
next situation I think is where you text
your ex and they're ignoring you now
don't freak out if you've text your ex
and they've ignored you once I'm talking
about like permanently right I work with
a lot of people one on one right and so
one of the big things that I try to
teach people is coming up with
interesting ways of texting their ex
right so there's a lot of different ways
to do this you can come up with some
sort of text message it has a lot of
curiosity and Bude into it you can come
up with the attacks
such that it's a pattern interrupt
something that will capture their
attention every text that I work with my
clients on is meant to yield responses
right and so one you know recently one
client that I've been working with this
is the text that we came up with for her
situation can you keep a secret now this
creates it's kind of like an open loop
right so it's a unanswered question
there's a reason why her ex would want
to respond to this because he wants to
figure out what the secret is and also
there's kind of a curiosity imbued into
this because guess what what is the
secret I need to know what the secret is
right if you consistently text your ex
with really really great clever text
messages they don't always have to be
like this one but you're trying and they
do not respond they could just
completely ignore you time and time
again you've tried maybe five or six
times that could be a sign it's time to
let go it's time to move on and try
something different the next thing that
I want to talk about is that actually if
there's strong evidence that they won't
ever commit right and probably the best
analogy I can give you here is actually
by looking at that TV show How I Met
Your Mother
how much your mother is kind of a the
the TV show that took over the torch
from them the famous TV show friends
it's about a group of people who just
basically said in a bar tell funny
stories and a lot of is about the main
character and how he's telling a story
to his kids about how he met his mother
and it just goes through all sorts of
shenanigans anyways there's a scene in
there there's an episode in there where
they talk about this hook right and how
someone can sort of keep you on the hook
without ever having any kind of
intention of committing to you ever and
though often say this line right here
I'm really into you I just can't be with
you right now
ten right now is the classic on the hood
catchphrase yep
right now paints a picture of some sort
of magical future time when everything
will work out but the truth is it's like
this I can't be with you boom right now
so that's actually one of my favorite
clothes from How I Met Your Mother the
Barney Stinson closing the door then
kind of cracking and open with the right
now and that's sort of what this one is
like now in real life you know Hollywood
doesn't always sort of it doesn't always
work out that way in Hollywood right
real life can be a little bit different
the quote unquote right now sort of slam
the door in the face thing doesn't often
come out as exactly that sometimes it
could be something is them giving you
false hope and I think more than
anything the thing I tell my clients to
look at is do not do not take people
face value when they say something to
you look at what they do their actions
will tell the whole story of how they
feel so if you consistently are being
strung along by your ex and they're
there giving you sort of false hope or
they're making or doing things to give
you these mixed signals or in one minute
they feel like they're ready to drop
everything and commit to you in the next
minute they avoid you like the play just
look at what their actions are saying
not what their words are saying and that
should tell the whole story the next
thing that you should sort of keep an
eye out for is if your ex is only in it
for the sex this is kind of an
interesting thing this is a situation
that one of my clients was recently
faced with a couple of months ago where
I was working with this person who was
trying to get their ex back and
everything I was recommending this
person just wouldn't work it's like
everything fell flat on its face and
when when I when I'm encountered by
situations like this I often will sit
back and say okay what can I do what
what what have I overlooked here and so
I started asking this person about their
overall situation again and again and
started learning that actually the whole
foundation of their entire relationship
was built on sex
meaning the ex was only with this person
for sex and that's all they were
interested in and so I of course you
know when when I break this news to the
person they're completely livid they're
not happy to hear this they disagree
with me completely and I say okay well
that's fine if you disagree of it here
just just humor me for a little bit
let's put your ex to a test because
anytime that this person would get their
ex to respond to them the ex would
respond to them in very sexual ways
right so I said okay well how about this
if your ex responds to you in a sexual
way do not respond in fact don't even
flirt with them and just see what
happens and it was almost funny how fast
it unraveled and how fast I was proven
right because the second that the ex
made some sort of move and was asking
for like pictures or something like that
and my person that my client just said
no they threw a tantrum - a tantrum to
the point where the calling my you know
my client names and all sorts of things
like that and this is a great example of
someone who's only in it for sex this is
not someone you should be trying to win
back this is someone you should be
trying to let go all right this one this
particular sign is pretty
self-explanatory this is where you're in
a relationship that's been abusive
either physically or emotionally I don't
think I have to go to too deep into
details here you should never ever be
with someone who's physically abusive I
think the emotional abuse is often
overlooked and it's hard to kind of have
a measure but you will know if you've
been emotionally abused just by looking
and comparing it to some of the other
signs out there are people who have been
emotionally abused but I think the one
thing I want to highlight here is I'm
not just talking about it if your ex has
been abusive to you I'm talking about if
you have been abusive to your ex those
are situations it's kind of two sides of
the same coin in my opinion so I think
that's something that you need to keep
an eye out for as well this is the other
thing the situation where you're trying
to get someone back and you just can't
stop fighting and
every time you're communicating with
each other and often when I talk about
this I tell the story of my very first
relationship ever where I remember
literally there was a point throughout
the relationship where I'm we we would
get into fights all the time right so I
remember literally after one fight one
day I remember thinking wow we have
fought every single day this week every
single day I counted it up and it was
just shocking and I remember thinking is
this what it's supposed to be like to be
in a relationship with someone and it's
not good relationships it's normal to
fight in good relationships it's not
normal to fight every single day so
that's kind of a good precursor that can
tell you if you need to maybe let go and
then the final thing is if they're
stalking involved no stalking can be
physical but it can also be cyber right
so if you or your ex has been stalking
in there's a sort of not worn what am I
looking for here the terminology if
there's a restraining order out on you
or you've fired one filed one on your ex
let go it's it's time to move on the I
will say this is probably among the
rarest situations I see I can probably
in the course of the six and a half
years I've been doing this count them on
one hand how often I've seen situations
like this but I have seen them and these
are not circumstances where you should
be trying to get an ex back so here's
what I also want to say most of these
particular signs that we covered today
it's it's sort of a negative topic right
a lot of you guys want to get your exes
back or find a way to get your exes back
and we're talking about sort of those
situations where maybe it's not a good
idea to get your ex back but I find that
oftentimes when you're obsessed so much
about getting your ex back it's easy to
commit maybe not stalking but it's easy
to commit some of these signs right it's
easy to you know be in an on-again
off-again relationship and just
completely overlook the off-again phase
it's easy
overlook or make an excuse if your ex
doesn't text you back it's easy to look
at your own text messages and think to
yourself I could do better it's easy to
overlook the fact that hey they've never
given you any legitimate reason to make
you think that they're ready to commit
it's easy to overlook the fact that
they're only in it for sex I told that
story that's exactly what my client did
it's easy to overlook abuse as sad as it
is people we see all sorts of people who
are abused in relationships and
marriages that refuse to leave the
person they're with it's easy to
overlook the fact that you can't stop
fighting with one another it's also easy
to overlook stalking the fact that I
have to put this in this youtube video
just shows you how people can overlook
these things I think more than anything
though the thing I want to leave you
with is these are all very very rare
situations right these are you know most
of the time you're not gonna see someone
who's been in an abusive relationship
that wants to get back with their ex
most of the time you're not gonna be
trying to get back with an ex if you
have a restraining order on you or
they've review put a restraining order
on them so don't freak out if maybe your
situation has a tug a touch of your ex
ignoring you don't freak out if you your
situation has a touch of the on-again
off-again relationship don't freak out
if there has been some evidence where
maybe you're making progress with them
and they're not able to commit don't
freak out if you maybe fought a little
bit more than normal
I'm talking about extremes here with
each one of these signs these are you
should always let go of an ex if you're
doing one of these signs to an extreme
so that's the thing I just want to leave
you with so this was a blast guys I
really appreciate you getting to the end
of this video if you haven't already
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I'm trying to do daily videos at least
five days a week to where I will
basically teach you to the best of my
abilities how you can get
with your ex or even get over your ex if
that's what you want take care
