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How to Give Her Space Without Giving Up

hey there brother this is Steve horsemen

with good guys two great men thanks

again for tuning in today I really

appreciate it

in about a month a little over a month

we're gonna have the third annual ranch

retreat the confident man ranch

retreating level in Colorado at these

ranch retreats we talk about confidence

we talk about how horses can teach us

about women in relationships and one of

the things we talk about is pressure we

talk about good pressure and bad

pressure and in using these horses to

teach you how what how good pressure

looks and how bad pressure looks you see

immediate results with these horses you

start to have lights come on about how

bad pressure looks to a horse and how

good pressure can actually invite a

horse into trusting you and being close

to you just like you want your woman to

do so I have no illusion that this video

three or four minutes is gonna do

anything miraculous for you in your

world of women especially one when a

woman is said I need space the title of

the video is how to give her space

without giving up the horse thing is

really easy it happens in a matter of

hours you see changes real quick I'm

gonna tell you things in this video that

you may not be able to do real quick

because it's too scary it's too freaky

when a woman says I need space what most

men do is the normal thing they do what

they would do with the horse they yank

harder they push harder they yell louder

they insist they pressure they pull they

could they bargain they negotiate they

do anything they can to get the horse to

do what they want because they're

frustrated disappointed they're afraid

and because of those things we do bad

pressure those are all bad pressure

things on horses and when your wife says

I need space those are all really bad

pressure things for her what does it do

it makes her want to move away and run

away even faster than she was already

moving away so what is good pressure

with the horses good pressure is a very

calm a very confident a very deliberate

a very very conscious way of being it's

it's very zen-like and I know in this

video you can't just get Zen like right

away but for some of you a light will

come on when I tell you about the

distinction between that bad pressure of

desperation and neediness and hurt and

anger that we put on people and the

other side of that is good pressure what

just a calmer more conscious a longer

view more internally content response

that you give a woman when she says I

need space what does it sound like good

pressure it sounds like I know you need

space sometimes I do to take as much as

you need I'm not going anywhere

sometimes it might sound like I love you

enough to give you all the space you

need and I love myself enough not to

freak out over it it might also sound

like go ahead take all the space you

want I trust you but I also trust you to

honor our relationship and not do

anything stupid it's okay it with good

pressure to have high expectations for

the relationship you want you can still

tell her that sure take all the time you

need you realize I won't wait forever

for you right but but while we're in

this land of limbo of you not knowing

what you want if you want to be near me

or with me or even stay with me I'll

give you the time you need because I am

secure enough in myself I am relied

self-reliant enough on my ability to

self-soothe and and be happy even if you

need time away go for it cupcake go

that's good pressure but it's also that

the kind of confidence in and

self-reliance and and bravado that you

have about your own well-being is a good

pressure because it lets her know that

she she doesn't need to run from you and

it also lets her know what she's leaving

is an energy of groundedness an energy

of confidence and energy of masculine

security and safety and this is what

everybody wants anyway you want to

create this for yourself you cannot

provide good pressure to a woman if you

don't already have a good feeling inside

yourself so much of this work is you're

finding that grounded centered come

worthy part of yourself so when stuff

like this happens you don't freak out

you see a woman's bid for space is

something that's just another thing to

respond to you don't have to freak out

and even if she decided she was gonna

leave you forever you already know that

you were you showed up to this

relationship as a hundred percent man

and you'll leave it as a hundred percent

man so as she's going through life

changes of her own and going through the

I don't know phase of separating away

from you you don't freak out because you

realize it's not always all about you

just like with the horse her fear her

behavior her distancing and all those

feelings

a motion she has are not an indication

of your unworthiness and not proof that

you're a failure

it's just something and other human

beings going through I know this is

getting all zen-like and everything this

video is not going to flip that switch

for you but I'm telling you the opposite

of zen-like behavior is hummingbird

craziness it's questioning negotiating

bargaining and it's all the things that

make horses and women run from you so in

your quest for personal contentment and

happiness part of it is finding that

centered calm grounded place in you that

allows you to allow people to live their

life and to do what they need to do to

be happy so when you say I love you more

to have you go off and be happy then I

need to control you I love you enough to

let you find your happiness instead of

making you stay here to make me happy

you have to like yourself enough to say

things like that and that is good

pressure I hope that makes sense for you

thanks for tuning in today I will see

you next week bye bye