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"Is My Marriage Over?" 5 Signs Your Marriage Is Doomed

what's up ladies and gentlemen I am Brad browning and you are watching my latest

and greatest relationship advice video and this particular video is gonna be

one that's specifically for anyone out there who's worried that their marriage

might be on the brink of collapse so if you are worried about divorce you know

if you're wondering whether your marriage is doomed or if you just want

to know you know whether there's still hope to to turn things around before

it's too late well keep watching because that's what I'm talk about right here in

this video now before I dive into it guys I should quickly mention that my

online quiz tool which you can take for free after this video at marriageguy.com

slash quiz is one of the best ways to to evaluate the health of your marriage and

figure out you know whether it can still be saved

basically you answer a series of questions and based on those answers

you're gonna see a detailed analysis of your current situation and your odds of

turning things around in your marriage as well as a series of personalized

recommendations based on your answers quiz takes maybe five minutes at most

it's completely free and again it's at marriageguy.com slash quiz right now

guys the five signs that I'm going to cover in this video in the next few

minutes here are actually based on proven science so this stuff you know it

isn't my opinion researchers have actually been studying this stuff you

know marriage psychology relationship dynamics that kind of thing for years

now and these five signals indicate a marriage that's likely to end in divorce

with an accuracy rate over 90% which is really when you think about it pretty

credible

now a lot of the research is based on studies done by Robert Levinson at the

University of Washington and John Gottman we've probably heard about from

some of my other videos of the Gottman Institute in New York and those two guys

have been spent 30-plus years studying this stuff in labs and in clinical

counseling settings as well so you know credit to those two gentlemen and all

the other academics who've studied and worked in this field okay now let's dive

straight into the five signs of an impending divorce so the first sign of

trouble in a marriage is criticism or complaining basically this just refers

to situations where one partner gets upset at the actions or behaviors of

their spouse and then they place the blame for it on them or their

personality generally so for instance you know let's say that you you aren't

really the type to help moat much with you know housework chores around the

house and you rarely clean up clean up the kitchen after dinner if your spouse

responded by saying you know you never help with the dishes you're such a lazy

slob you know that would be the kind of criticism that often can indicate that a

marriage is unhealthy secondly and this one goes often hand-in-hand with

criticism like I just talked about sign number two is defensiveness so if we

stick with the example that I just mentioned where your spouse calls you a

lazy slob a defensive reaction to that would be if you said in response you

know something like give me a break you're such a mess in the kitchen if I

cook dinner there would be barely any dishes at all in other words you know

defensive misses when one spouse responds to their partners critical

remarks by turning things around and it's something to shift the blame back

on their partner sign number three that a marriage is heading for divorce is

contempt now the word contempt can actually really mean a lot of things but

in this case it's basically anyone any time one partner has a negative opinion

of their spouse and believes themselves to be superior so for instance

statements like you're a moron or you're just clueless aren't you those are both

really good examples of this sort of toxic contempt in fact this is actually

what researchers believe to be the single biggest predictor of divorce so

of course this contempt is one that you really want to address immediately if it

does become an issue in your marriage all right and once assigned number four

which is actually pretty straightforward and that is emotional withdrawal or

stonewalling so in other words if your partner and you know simply becomes

distant doesn't really appear to be listening or or taking in what you're

saying when you try to bring up a point of contention or or a complaint with

them um this is actually most often associated with men and studies have

indeed actually shown that around eighty five percent of the time it's the male

partner in a marriage who's guilty of emotionally withdrawing sometimes that's

because men are unwilling to confront problems or or accept their partner's

criticism and sometimes it's more a result of you know his wife having

unfair or or unreasonable expectations or you know kind of bringing things up

in a toxic sort of nagging way regardless of whether it's the man or

the woman who's actually doing this stonewalling though it is bad news

for the future of any marriage when it does happen regularly all right and

finally let's talk about a sign number five which actually tends to be to be

more common among married couples who've been together for a decade or more the

other four ones that I just just covered they can really happen at any time in a

marriage but they tend to usually begin fairly early on and this final sign of

marriage that shows up generally after a decade or more is a low ratio of

positive to negative interactions all right I know what you're thinking at

this point what does that actually mean Brad well I mean I could really expand

on this one and spend you know twenty minutes talking about it but essentially

a happy and healthy married couple has an average of five positive interactions

things like laughing at a joke together complimenting one another cuddling or

kissing you know providing support and encouragement they have five of those

for every negative encounter which is things like you know criticizing lying

arguing and so on now an unhealthy marriage on the other hand it tends to

have a lot more of those negative encounters for every positive

interaction so basically you know if you and your spouse get along and enjoy one

another's company the vast majority of the time and you only argue or or get up

upset at one another you know once in a while then your marriage has a healthy

ratio of positive to negative encounters but you know unfortunately for a lot of

you watching this video right now that ratio is in your marriage is probably

far lower than that ideal five to one ratio that researchers have found to be

the magic number for the typical happy marriage relax though you know don't

panic quite yet folks even if you recognize all five of these signs in

your own marriage for most of you you know you could very well still be able

to avoid divorce and dramatic improve the dynamics of your marriage

before it's too late now how do you do that well that's to be honest that's a

really big topic that I can't really cover here of course one of my first

recommendations is to register for my best-selling mend the marriage program

which you can actually try risk-free for 60 days starting right now the program

is basically a comprehensive guide to turning your relationship around even if

your spouse is unwilling to put in the effort or has already said that they

definitely want a divorce I mean it's gonna give you a clear plan to to put

the marriage back on the right track you can get all the details about the

program and sign up at my website marriageguy.com now whether you you

decide to sign up for mend the marriage or not

there is one thing you absolutely must not do if you want to fix your marriage

and prevent divorce and that is to do nothing

look guys most couples wait far too long before they do anything about their

broken marriages and quite frankly things rarely get better on their own in

fact you know the longer you wait before you take action the lower the chances of

a happy ending for you and your marriage so please guys if you're watching this

video and you've seen several of the signs that I've talked about in this

video in your own marriage you know at the very least take ten minutes to watch

the full video my website marriageguy.com it's completely free

there's a men's and a women's version and in that video you're gonna learn a

few tips that you can start implementing today that could make the difference

between you know divorce and living happily ever after now I sincerely hope

that this video is gonna help some of you out there save your marriage while

you still can it is a really tough situation to begin

to be in so I definitely sympathize with anyone who is facing a marriage on the

brink and guys as always if you have a quick question any feedback leave it in

the comments below and I will get back to you personally as soon as I can and

that is it for now so we'll see in the next video