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Relationship Reality Check: Stay Together, or Breakup?

hi I'm coach Corey Wayne and this is my

video coaching newsletter and the topic

of today's newsletter is going to be

relationship reality check

stay together or break up well I'd say

this is probably a big question that the

majority of human beings on this planet

wrestle with and for my own personal

experience what I've seen in my life

because obviously I'm an observer of

people I mean after all that's how I

learned these things is that most people

don't make very good decisions and they

tend to stay in relationships that

should have ended a long time ago some

of them for a lifetime so the goal

obviously is to have a great quality of

life to get up every day and love the

people that you're hanging out with to

being relationships with the kind of

people that you want to be in

relationship with but also have an

abundance mentality whether it's a

career you have or business you have or

maybe a relationship that's run its

course or a friendship that just no

longer serves you when you have enough

of an abundance mentality in your life

you're gonna feel good about letting

certain people go from your life or

changing careers or getting out of one

business and starting another because

the reality is whatever it is in life

that we have a lot of enthusiasm for

we're gonna put more energy more time

more effort more heart and more soul

into people and things that we love and

we have a passion for and the more that

your life is fill it up with

circumstances and people that are fun

that are exciting that are compelling

the happier you're going to be and

typically the longer you're going to

live in the better the quality of life

that you're going to have because when

you lose hope well I go to the gym why

eat healthy why do anything that's

life-affirming and life enhancing you

don't have a motivation for it

but when you're excited when you get up

every day and you look forward to what

you do and who you do it with you're

gonna be more inclined to take better

care of yourself and have a better

quality of life as a result and that's

really what this is all about is

improving the quality of your life

so it's interesting I get two people

here I got pretty too pretty different

situations but they're looking at the

people that they're involved with and

they have a high level of emotional

intensity and attraction for them but

remember we tend to do things based on

our emotions and then we use logic and

reason to justify our decisions so as I

go through these emails I want you to

look at it and ask yourself question is

this person good for them are they a

good match

despite their feelings should they still

stay involved with these people and this

is a question that all of us have to

answer for ourselves because the reality

is you don't know what's in my heart I

don't know what's in yours and you have

to learn to trust that especially being

surrounded by people who think they know

better for all of us what we shouldn't

shouldn't be doing so with that said I

got a quote today I wrote and then I'm

going to go through the first email and

the quote says when it comes to love and

romance we tend to project the fantasy

of what we want on to others while

ignoring the reality that they're not a

match and cannot offer what we're

looking for since we tend to make our

decisions based upon emotion and use

logic and reason to justify our

decisions we talk ourselves into making

bad choices in our personal lives that

lead to unnecessary heartache and

heartbreak this can lead to enormous

personal professional and financial

setbacks not to mention the loss of time

our most precious and perishable and

shrinking resource when you consider

that it takes the average person one and

a half years to recover from the breakup

of a long-term relationship it's never a

good idea to ignore your intuition

reality and allow yourself to get

carried away by the emotions of our

projected romantic fantasies it's always

better to judge people by what they do

now what they say and certainly not

their potential but how many of us do

that anyway definitely something to

think about

so let's go through the first guys email

says dear coach Wayne it must first be

said that you serve changed my life

six years ago my life was headed down

the [ __ ] and then I found your work I

don't want to make this email too long

but I hope you will read this message as

my story is one hell of a doozy oh it is

first off I'm a 45 year old man with my

occupation being that of a major in the

United States Army specializing in

weapons systems on various fighter

aircraft thank you for your service by

the way six years ago I was married to

the woman of my dreams and working in a

career field that I loved that is until

everything came crashing down one day I

came home only to find my wife in bed

with another man ouch

life comes at you fast as you can

imagine I flew and into an absolute rage

in a vicious fight broke out between

myself and the other guy the fight

spilled into the garage and my wife

called the police before too long I got

the upper hand and in my anger crack the

other guy in his midsection with a stray

two-by-four dayum dude unbeknownst to me

I fractured several of his ribs which

resulted in one of his lungs being

punctured before I could do any more

damage the police arrived and tackled me

while the other guy was rushed to the

hospital holy [ __ ] man don't ever [ __ ]

with this guy's wife you never mow

another man's lawn the guy eventually

recovered but suffers from several

medical side effects due to our fight

I'm not real proud of this but my anger

at the time just took me over amazingly

he didn't press charges he apologized

and told me that he deserved what he got

at least he was [ __ ] man enough to

take ownership of the fact that he was

banging your wife and he deserved it

after the dust settled the army took

reprimanding action and I was demoted

back down to 1st lieutenant and even did

a two-month stint in USD be near

Leavenworth after I got out of military

jail my wife hits me with divorce

proceedings swell honestly I genuinely

contemplated suicide as this was the

darkest period in my life everything

passes eventually the good times and

especially the bad times eventually time

just passes and that's reality no matter

where you are in life if you're in a

shitty place right now time is gonna

pass and it will get better if no matter

how great things are in your life right

now those things will end too

everything in life is temporary it's so

[ __ ] fleeting last year I've lost

three people that were really [ __ ]

close to me at one point in my life and

I'll tell you what that definitely gives

you some perspective it makes you

[ __ ] think when you lose people that

it were close to you or really close to

you these are three different people

that at different points in my life they

were in my inner circle my top five

people

that's pretty [ __ ] jarring that's

when I found coach Cory Wayne I watched

a few of your videos and I immediately

downloaded 3% man well if you haven't

read my first book three percent man you

can go to understand a ship's comm and

just subscribe to the email newsletter

and as soon as you hit subscribe you'll

be taken right to the members area where

you can read the book right in the

browser or whatever mobile device you're

on it opened my eyes and cause so many

lightbulb moments I'm sure the next city

over must have suffered a blackout it's

possible I came to realize that I was

enabling my wife's behavior with my week

beta male tendencies resulting in her

being driven into the arms of another

man well it's not your fault that she

had no integrity and that your marriage

didn't your vows didn't mean anything

but it's obvious that by that by the

time the affair was discovered by you

finding her in bed with another man in

your house that Elvis had pretty much

left the billing at that point during a

time we were married she definitely wore

the pants in the relationship and I was

relegated to the dithering pleaser who

would have done anything to keep her

happy

and in my life but yet she still cheated

on you

that's on her not on you granted you did

things that turned her off but she's the

one that chose to line up a new dude

while you guys were still together

that's important because we're gonna

need this information a little further

down in the email after reading your

book once I was determined determined to

get things turned around I had read the

book five times within the space of two

months got back into the gym and even

started exploring spirituality in the

form of Zen Buddhism I also decided that

I was going to be the best goddamn

soldier I could be and I was determined

to get back my lost commission and rank

nice job dude so it's interesting goes

from having suicidal thoughts to I'm

gonna [ __ ] become a better version of

myself than I've ever been in my entire

life that's [ __ ] awesome it was tough

and it took a lot of blood sweat and

tears but within four years I managed to

turn things around for myself I

gradually started gaining rank again I'm

proud to say that I just recently made

it back up to major last month I had

tears in my eyes as my co pinned that

gold oak leaf back onto my lapels and it

felt good congratulations dude I

transferred to another base and thought

that I had made a clean break with my

past and a six years since that terrible

ordeal I've read your first book 13

times and your second book mastering

yourself twice the second book also

motivated me to pursue a long-dormant

passion of mine which is fiction writing

you can also read mastering yourself at

understanding relationships calm by

subscribing to the newsletter

I've completed a few short stories and I

hope to get off a novel or hope you get

a novel off the ground by the time I

retire from the military remember like I

talked about in mastering yourself and

I've mentioned in many videos everybody

I think in terms of decades as far as

doing things and I like what he's doing

starting this while he's still in the

military and obviously recognizing that

at some point in time he's going to get

out of the military so in the meantime

while he's still in the military and

he's got his buddy steady paycheck he's

working on building a new career and so

ideally in a perfect world if he

continues working on it built writing

doing a blog writing books figuring out

a way to promote them and market them

and continually improve his writing he

can build a decent-sized audience to the

point where we could go right from the

military and into working for himself

and as somebody who's always worked for

the man so to speak to go out of the

military working for the man and to work

him for yourself

it'll be really [ __ ] rewarding I just

recently ended a two-year relationship

with my girlfriend as she was being

transferred overseas we both ended it on

good terms and felt we couldn't carry on

a long-distance romance we wished each

other well and still remain good friends

it's at this point that a monkey wrench

gets thrown into the work so to speak

this is where it gets good about three

weeks after my girl and me had broken up

I registered for a yoga class at an arts

facility and of all people who do you

think I run into my goddamn ex-wife no

mrs. coach believe me when I tell you I

was floored I mean what are the [ __ ]

odds God has a sense of humor you

thought I've also talked about this it's

like until you overcome something in

your life whether it's a flaw that you

have or maybe toxic people or bad habits

or things that you shouldn't do anymore

it's like the

tends to keep bringing you circumstances

and either those people or similar

people until you can fully transcend

them so that's what the universe

basically is saying oh really so you

think you got this 3% man [ __ ] down and

now things are gonna be different

oh well here's the ex-wife and she looks

good she noticed me right away and I was

cordial to her she complimented me on

numerous things and even remarked I look

10 years younger from when she saw she

last saw me she requested me on Facebook

a short time later and even asked me if

I minded exchanging numbers

she began reaching out to me regularly

and on one occasion asked me if I wanted

to see a movie I figured what the hell

and invite her over to my place to watch

a movie there as I wasn't lifting a

finger to meet her anywhere what's a guy

to do well coach I hate to be cliche but

to use the old adage one thing led to

another and before I knew it we were

having sex excuse me for a second

come on man you know better over the

past few weeks we have hooked up

numerous times always at my place mind

you she has pleaded with me to take her

back more than once but I've been very

hesitant to tread that ground again for

obvious reasons you think so

I can't count the number of phone

sessions I've done with men and women to

a certain extent over the years that

have the same issue it's like here's the

reality

your wife your ex-wife I should say

doesn't value loyalty in monogamy and

exclusivity if she ain't happy I mean

she [ __ ] another guy in your bed so

the thing you have to understand if

you're gonna stay involved or be

involved with somebody like this is that

if your game is tight and you're doing

everything right she'll probably be

faithful but if you slip up things

happen in life you already know how the

movie ends you already know she betrayed

you once she'll betray you again and if

you take her back and get back together

with her you're telling her it's okay to

totally [ __ ] me over I forgive you and I

give you a chance to do it again

so with that said I mean it's your

[ __ ] life dude you do whatever you

want it's just the reality is she

doesn't value monogamy obviously you did

you weren't the one cheating on her so

he says but here's the thing coach as

much as I have tried to keep her as just

a friends with benefits type thing I

think I may be falling for her like I

did the first time

notice what he says next I know I can't

trust her but this woman is one of those

knock-your-socks-off

type chicks you talk about in the sex

his eyes rolling back in your head

variety dude trust me I know I know I

know I know I know

however as somebody who has girlfriends

from the past still in his life and sees

them from time to time and the passions

they're still there the sex is amazing

and the fun and the chemistry is still

there it's effortless even when I go

years without seeing some of these girls

and then we get back together it's like

even though they're older and or not as

pretty as they were when we were younger

it's like nothing changed it's like

putting on an old comfortable pair of

shoes however however I'm under no

illusions that things weird would change

if I were to get back together and say

be exclusive with any of them as awesome

as they are as much as I love them I'm

still not going to go back into an

exclusive relationship with them because

I have my wits about me and I exercise

self-control as hard as it is she's just

as fun clever and giving as I remember

and hanging out with her is a blast dude

I totally [ __ ] feel you but then

there's this other side of the coin

where she's obviously devious

manipulating and lacking in integrity

because of her past cheating ways coach

what's a guy to do I need advice man

well the reality is you see it for what

she is and now she's chasing you she's

coming after you and remember a

rejection breeds obsession she left you

she divorced you after all that [ __ ]

that happened and now she's chasing you

which has got to feel great for your

[ __ ] ego it's gonna make you feel

good that after all these years your

wife who cheated on you with another guy

in your [ __ ] marital bedroom and you

had to come home and see this and get

into a big fight that totally [ __ ]

set your career back men

years now the roles are reversed so the

thing you got to recognize is like dude

you're holding all the cards you have

all the keys to the kingdom the

important thing is to exercise emotional

self-control I would just have an open

relationship let her do 100 percent of

the calling texting pursuing make dates

no matter how much she protests or

complains or wants you back just say

look I love you but I'm not getting back

together with you eventually I want to

meet a great girl and settle down have

kids or whatever it is that you're

looking for and you got a you got a hold

to your vision of your life this is how

the universe tests you like I've talked

about in the past I had a whole friend

of mine friend of one actually the

brother I say brother the uncle of one

of my girlfriends who was in a very

famous rock n roll band and he had the

largest one of the largest bands in the

world at the time when he was in college

going to school to become a chiropractor

after he decided to get out in the world

of rock and roll consider this the guy

is a vegetarian doesn't drink doesn't

smoke doesn't do drugs

he tried those things when he was like

17 18 he was like shit's not for me but

you get the biggest rock band in the

world the struggling in college going we

want you to be our drummer we all just

got out of rehab we fired our drummer

and you're like the only guy in the

planet that would be perfect for us and

he really seriously considered it and he

said like give me a week to think about

it and he thought about it after week

he's like I don't want to go back into

that lifestyle I want to become a

chiropractor and that's what he did and

you will get tested just like you're

being tested right now it's like how bad

do you want how badly do you want to

move on from everything that has

happened six years ago

I mean you have choice you have

abundance with women

so what would be different things would

probably great for a long time but

eventually once the infatuation the

newness wore off what do you think would

happen I mean we already know how that

movie ends but it's your life so I would

have fun with her and be honest and just

say look I'm not getting into an

exclusive relationship I'm looking for a

girlfriend or I'm looking for a future

wife I'm looking for somebody that I can

trust whatever happens to be let her do

100% of the calling text we're suing

make dates always tell her where you

stand with her and keep searching and

keep looking so what's interesting is on

the flip side now the second email I've

got an email from a woman who I answered

her email in the video newsletter that I

did a few weeks ago why women lose

interest and so you're gonna see here's

a woman involved a guy that's friends

with benefits with benefits with and she

wants more but he has so far been

unwilling to give it to her so now she's

like what do I do

so you got a man and you got a woman

that both can kind of see the situation

for as it is but then the question is

making the right decision because to go

and hold out for your vision and what

you want now you have to venture off

into the unknown like this particular

guy if he blows his wife off maybe he

won't find anybody that's better that's

the kind of thing he's gonna tell

himself well what if I never find

anybody that makes me feel the way my

ex-wife did and same thing with this

woman here I'm about to read her email

what happens if the next guy she doesn't

feel as strong of feelings for so this

is this is the thing we're all faced

with it's to leave what's good in order

to find something that's better maybe it

takes years a lot longer to have happen

something better come along than you

expect it then what then where are you

because at the end of day the amount of

days we've been on this planet is

getting longer the amount of days we've

got left is getting shorter so what do

you do it's a gut check - gut check for

your vision and what you want for your

life and what we want usually exists

beyond our comfort zone beyond the area

that we can see beyond the time that we

think it's going to take so let's go

through our emotions hey coach thank you

so much for answering my email in the

video newsletter

this is Jessica the 26 year old blonde

who was trying to make her Latin Lover

her boyfriend she's basically got a [ __ ]

buddy friends with benefits type of

relationship boom I thought you'd like

an update on my situation well I set Bob

down and we had a long talk I explained

that I would like to become exclusive

and I had genuine feelings for him that

I saw him as more than just a [ __ ] buddy

I also expressed my concerns over his

family not accepting me because of the

whole race issue he assured me that his

family's opinion on who he dated didn't

matter to him at all

and then he would Dayton Wimmer whoever

he pleased

however he kind of danced around the

question of us being exclusive he didn't

give me a straight answer and told me

the quote sigma men like him don't like

labels and that we should just continue

to have fun together and not over

complicate things not sure what a sigma

man is but i didn't question it I was

afraid to push the issue and didn't want

to seem like a nag so I left it at that

so this is the middle of a negotiation

she says I want to be exclusive he says

hey I'm a sigma man and I don't want any

labels and I want to do my own thing

so in other words he wants to continue

to date and see and sleep with other

women so you told him you wanted to get

exclusive that was your offer he said

thank you but no thank you I would like

to keep things as they are

so this is the gut check for you how

important it is is it to be exclusive

with this man and what are your goals

for your life and your personal life you

have a child obviously I would imagine

at some point you'd probably like to

find a good stepfather to help co-parent

your child or maybe not maybe you're

cool with things being this way but the

downside risk is is that he may

eventually more than likely will find a

woman that he likes more or has more

chemistry with and he'll start spending

more time with her and then eventually

say hey I met somebody else and I can't

see you anymore that's reality you want

something serious he doesn't so the

question is how bad do you really want

an exclusive relationship is it a deal

breaker are you willing to walk away

from what you have this guy right now in

order to seek out something that's

better as hard as it is

and you'll notice she's really

struggling and wrestling with it by what

she says here she says after we had our

talk I started to notice that he has

become more tentative and affectionate

towards me whenever we are out together

he frequently comments how he still

thinks I am one of the most beautiful

girls he's ever been with and how he is

so lucky to have found me I also noticed

that he always updates his facebook

status and writes that he's out with his

little ghostwriter which is apparently a

little pet name he's assigned me I think

that's a comic book character but I'm

not sure I think it's also a playful way

to allege or allude to my paleness lol

but he'll never tag me directly even

though we've been friends on Facebook

for a while this is super confusing to

me and I'm not used to men making me

feel like this since I'm the one who

always has given mixed signals to guys

remember it's a scientific fact that

women are more attracted to men whose

feelings are unclear so she has no idea

where she stands she's thinking about

all the time and she really likes this

guy he just told her he's not willing to

be exclusive with her even though he was

being more attentive to her

at the end of the day he turned her down

when she wanted exclusivity notice what

she says next the problem is that I just

don't know where I stand

I'm very unsure of things which makes me

call and pursue him even more

isn't that interesting I don't know

whether he is just afraid of true

commitment is really not that enemy or

is just that focused on his career goals

at the moment well you remember like I

said the quote we you gotta look at what

people do not what they say you want

exclusivity he said no it's the question

for you is how important is being

exclusive with him to you because if you

continue in the relationship the way it

is now you're leaving yourself open to

the possibility that he goes hey I've

met somebody else and I'm gonna get

serious with her so and it's also

possible that he says you know what

let's be exclusive maybe a couple months

from now you bring it up again he says

yes let's do it

but you just don't know that's the rub

it's the unknown can you can yeah I mean

I think if I remember I think she's 26

from my from the last email so she's

still young however time is going by so

how much time do you give it it's like

well it's up to you that's we gotta all

put her on our big boy and girl pants

and figure these things out for

ourselves he has a few new screenplays

he's working on which is taking up a lot

of his time there's also the added fact

that I suspect there might be another

chick or two in the picture I'm not

surprised this Bob is a handsome and

confident man and has his choice of

women he's always posing posting

pictures on Facebook with several

girlfriends he hangs out with which I'm

cool with but the same time not I think

you've taught your student a little too

well coach lol any advice

should I keep on nagging him with

wanting to be exclusive or accept the

fact that he might never be that type of

guy by the way I just started my third

round of your book well it's a see where

it is I mean see reality as it is not

better than sources

you want exclusivity he said no are you

at the point right now we're that's a

deal-breaker

where are you refusing to stay with them

if he becomes exclusive and then you say

see you later call me if you change your

mind

remember the strongest negotiating

position is being able to walk away and

mean it so you want an exclusivity he

turned you down and at least as of right

now in the present moment when you sent

this email you're you lost the

negotiation because you told him okay

I'll still stay with you even though

you're dating and sleeping with other

women and may replace me with one of

them eventually that's what you

basically said to him so you gonna put

your big-girl pants on and decide what

you can and can't live with if you stay

with him under these terms you may get

replaced by somebody else and it's also

possible that he makes you his down the

road but the reality is right now he

said no the question is how long are you

willing to wait if at all or just say

[ __ ] it I'm hot I'm young I'm gonna go

find some other dude PS I don't know if

he saw your video response to my

previous email but if he did he hasn't

brought it up PPP s I could another

picture of me and my friend Jessica she

was the one in the reddish dress from

the previous email and she thinks you're

cute lol well maybe you should just have

her send her phone number in definitely

something to think about so if you'd

like if you're in a situation so maybe

something similar to one of these two

and you're trying to figure out what the

[ __ ] should I do go to my website click

the products tab to top your screen and

book whatever coaching option works for

you until next time I will talk to you

soon

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