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6 Signs Your Relationship Is Over (Is it time to break up?)

if you've ever been in a relationship

where you're struggling and unsure if

you're gonna make it through or if it's

even a healthy relationship please watch

this video I'm really upset that I even

have to make this video because

typically the women who struggle most

with these questions are usually the

sweetest kindest most loving giving

women out there they're the ones who are

so good at appreciating and giving the

benefit of the doubt and just really

caring and loving for someone and time

and time again they're not receiving and

getting the same reciprocation of love

and giving back and so they're left

asking the question is the relationship

over how do I save it what do I do

if any of this resonates you're gonna

want to watch this video I'm gonna dive

deep on six signs that your relationship

is over and also what you need to do

about it

I'm Jason silver I'm dating coach for

ambitious women in this channel attract

great guys I go through these types of

principles about dating attraction the

science behind attraction and mating and

what you can do is an ambitious woman to

put yourself in the best situation to

attract a high quality commitment minded

man so please join me watch these videos

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out now let's jump right in

the first sign that your relationship

may be over is if in general in your

relationship each of you there's more

withdrawals than deposits into one

another's emotional bank account I'm

gonna say that again there's more

withdrawals than deposits into your

emotional bank accounts now it's kind of

self-explanatory but a deposit is when

we're adding some kind of value some

kind of feel-good emotion we're

complementing we're giving we're doing

things for the other person we're making

them feel good we're basically trying to

be helpful in kind and loving it's a

deposit right you give someone a flower

it's a deposit you

say a compliment it's a deposit you ask

for money literally it's a withdrawal

you ask for favors it's a withdrawal you

criticize someone it's a withdrawal it's

about adding value versus taking value

now sometimes withdrawals are good

things if you ask for a favor from

someone that you care about it's a

little bit of dependence a little bit of

connectedness you're you're asking for

something that's healthy that's normal

however you need to balance withdrawals

with deposits and typically I believe it

was dr. John Gottman did studies and he

said that five deposits for every one

withdrawal is the minimum for a healthy

loving relationship so if you're doing

way more withdrawals back and forth

instead of deposits it's good sign that

something is not working and it could be

the end of your relationship because

what is the point of being in a

relationship where you're both

withdrawing from each other

the entire time doesn't make any sense

now the second sign that your

relationship may be over is if he did

something that was very harmful or

hurtful and he shows no remorse maybe he

said something that wasn't nice maybe

there was infidelity and he doesn't show

any remorse for it in fact he may even

blame you and if this is the case if

your guy is harming you is doing things

that are not nice that are not

considered that are major withdrawals

and he doesn't have any bad feelings

about it doesn't even feel bad no

remorse that is not a good sign because

this is someone who should be in your

corner who should want to be your

partner and if he's hurting you

knowingly it doesn't feel bad about it

what does that say about your partner

what does that say about the guy that's

supposed to be there for you to support

you to take care of you just as you're

supposed to support and take care of him

if you're not on his side if you would

harm him without any feelings of remorse

then are you really the best partner for

him it's kind of self-explanatory but

sometimes it's hard to get that

perspective when we're in it and we need

some outside perspective and that's what

I'm here for the third sign it's kind of

an extension to the second is if things

aren't going well maybe there's more

withdrawals maybe there's been some harm

and you're doing everything you can to

try to

work on it you want to focus on bringing

the relationship back to a healthy

relationship that's your focus what can

we do how can we be proactive how can we

you know go to therapy get a coach try

something different if you're focused on

the solution and your partner has zero

desire to work things through to go to a

therapist to go you try something new

basically to try to make the

relationship better and if all he's

doing is blaming you or not putting in

the time or energy then that's a good

sign that nothing's gonna change okay if

a guy is telling you something believe

him and if he's telling you that he's

not interested in making the

relationship better believe him that's

really important the fourth sign the

relationship may be over maybe you're

not spending any quality time together

if you don't see him if he is living

somewhere out of your city or out of

your location for work or for some other

reason if you're not spending quality of

time with one another if you barely see

each other

that's a good sign that the relationship

is over now maybe it's a temporary thing

okay that's totally understandable

doesn't mean your relationship is over

but if this is a pattern where you're

not able to spend in person

heart-to-heart time with one another

then what are we doing like what is what

are we is this even a relationship how

is this helpful how is this healthy most

of the big challenges that I've seen in

terms of infidelity or living with

someone who's living a lie and you don't

even know the other person really stems

from not spending a lot of quality time

with one another so that is is a very

very important one that you are spending

not just time but quality time where

you're able to talk and and listen and

hear about the other person's life and

their dreams and their experiences and

all of those things very important and

number five if you find that by staying

in the relationship you're putting

yourself in a position to be harmed now

originally when I wrote this I I wrote

that he is putting you in harmful

situations however I really think that

this could be much more empowering for

you to realize that it's actually

yourself that is putting you in these

harmful situations by staying with him

in a harmful situation could mean that

maybe you don't know anything about the

finances maybe he is in complete control

over paying your mortgage or your rent

and you don't really know what's going

on with it

well if this is your home and you are

just expecting someone to take care of

something and you have no knowledge of

it no insight I can't tell you how many

times I've heard women telling me that

they were living with their boyfriend

they were in a marriage with kids and

their husband or partner didn't pay the

mortgage didn't pay rent didn't take

care of this left them with all of these

bills that's just one situation where

you're completely powerless you have no

idea what's going on with the finances

another is if he is doing something

harmful maybe he gets physically violent

or maybe even when you're driving in the

car with him he's road-raging and

putting you and maybe your child or

children in a situation that's really

dangerous or maybe he has very sketchy

people coming over to the house that you

know his friends and social circle you

don't really trust whatever it is maybe

he's involved in some illicit activities

whatever it is when you're connected

with him when you're with him if you

find that there's potential

ramifications negative ramifications

from you being in the relationship and

if you choose to stay in it then you are

putting yourself in a position to be

harmed and you have to ask yourself the

question like how much longer am I

willing to put myself in this situation

and the sixth sign that your

relationship might be over is if he's

keeping you away from the very people

that you love and who love you if maybe

he doesn't like your friends he doesn't

like your family whatever it is where he

is pushing you away from the people that

have been the healthiest for you the

ones that have given you the most that

have loved you the most that are the

most accepting of you and if he's trying

to distance you or pit you up against

them that is a red flag he should want

you to surround yourself with people

that you love and with people that love

you listen if your friends and family

are harming you and if you really

believe that he's trying to protect you

and he's trying to be helpful that's one

thing but if you don't really understand

his reasoning and if he's

trying to keep you separate or if he's

trying to be controlling that is

unhelpful and in fact that's a very

scary red flag that he is trying to

control you in a negative way and the

relationship should really end at that

point now this final part is so

important for you to understand this is

really really key and I also go very

deep into building a healthy happy

relationship and how to get to that

point even if you're not in it right now

in my four-part video training totally

free link is in the description click it

and get access you're gonna want to

watch that training but this is why it's

so important for you to actually end it

or draw a boundary and have a

high-standard

first of all if you are not holding

standards and boundaries in your

relationship then a guy is not going to

value you he's going to treat you like

some possession that will always be

there for him regardless of how he

treats you

he's not looking at you like a partner

he doesn't truly care deeply about you

and what happens to you

he is completely going to stay

self-centered unless you hold the

standards and boundaries say that this

is completely unacceptable and he has

two choices either he changes how he

treats you or you're gone and that is it

that's the end of the game okay there's

no there's no in-between there's no you

lowering your standards and him treating

you less than you deserve to be treated

that is not a good solution that does

not result in a healthy relationship he

can't respect you a little bit okay you

can't you can't say well I really wanted

a guy to treat me with love and respect

this much but I'm just gonna accept this

much all that's going to do is tell him

that that's how much you value yourself

and what are you in terms of an example

for maybe your children for your friends

for your community for womanhood okay if

you are not really raising the standards

of how you deserve to be treated what

kind of an example are you setting for

the people around you don't you want to

be an example of someone who truly loves

and values herself an example of what a

healthy relationship should

like and if you're so afraid of leaving

this person because you're afraid of

being alone if that's the core that's

the bottom line then you're just setting

yourself up to be heard because if

you're unable to find fulfilment and

happiness and connection even if you're

not in a loving committed romantic

relationship if there's so much

emptiness there that you're unable to

find any level of fulfillment unless you

have that all you're doing is setting

yourself up for a negative unhealthy

relationship because those types of

relationships that you're forming or

staying in that are based in you being

fearful those relationships are already

set up to put you in the powerless

position because your partner knows that

you're so afraid they know they could

tell that you're so afraid to be alone

that you'll accept anything you'll

accept any form of behavior you'll

accept being treated anyway and so

what's the solution if you have all of

this fear the key within all of this is

to find a loving supportive group of

people around you that are willing to

support you and to connect with you to

find organizations there's lots of

organizations out there for women who

are victims of violence or controlling

men in fact I am going to put a link in

the description of this video to one of

the top organizations that can support

you if you're finding yourself in this

position and ultimately ask yourself

this woman that you respect the most or

a woman that you love the most what

would you want her to do someone that

you have so much compassion and love for

what what does she deserve because you

deserve the same exact thing and I

encourage you to take the action to hold

your standards high to get out of on any

unhealthy relationships and to move

forward to treating yourself with the

love the value the consideration that

you deserve if you found this video

helpful and even a little way hit the

like button so it can be seen by more

people if you're not a subscriber

already as I said please subscribe and

I'm gonna extend on this a little bit in

my future videos I'm gonna go a little

bit deeper on boundaries a little bit

deeper on how you can hold these

standards high and also how you can deal

with that fear

because that fear it's an attraction

killer let me tell you and it places you

in a position to be hurt so thank you

again for watching and I look forward to

seeing you next week all right be well