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How To Know If You're Ready To Move In Together

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welcome everybody to love life good to

have you back again we have a caller in

today her name is Amber amber are you

there yes I'm here how are you

you know what amber I woke up and I

didn't have time to get ready properly

so I just threw on clothes and it shows

it really shows today Tanya who works

with me she came in in a hat as well

because she had the same problem but she

came in sort of coordinated and

fashionable with it she like thought of

the right top to go with the hat and

everything and I'm I'm now in a blue

baseball cap and a black leather jacket

so we both did it completely differently

she looks elegant and pretty and I look

like a mess good thing you're on the

radio right it except for the fact that

Jamison is filming me so I technically

I'm both on camera and radio so I'm

getting the worst of this no at least

you can't see me yes so that's something

so what was your question amber I was

wondering I've been my boyfriend I've

been together a little bit over the year

and we're starting to think about you

know moving in together and I was just

wondering you know when's too soon like

I've always kind of wanted to wait until

you know we were talking more about

getting married and things like that and

I just I just wanted to get your advice

I'm like is it too soon like how do you

know you're ready to move in with

someone yeah I think I think that's a

very good and intelligent and important

question there are there are lots of

people I feel moving too quickly they do

it in the throes of the passionate stage

of the relationship and look who among

us hasn't fallen in love with someone

and immediately thought I just want to

move in with them right this second

right now and then they are really glad

two months later that they didn't

because it would have been too quick and

they would have possibly wrecked the

whole thing no the opposite of that I

think can be just as bad if you for

example and people have different

beliefs on this I'll just throw mine out

there when I hear people say well I want

to marry I want to get married to

someone before I move in with

I always find that to be a very

dangerous concept for me I would much

rather have lived with someone before I

make the decision to marry them because

who knows what they're like in that

environment I I things change when you

live with someone and everything to some

extent is sped up and intensified

because you're around each other the the

entire time so I think for you you have

to make your own decision about whether

it's really important for you to wait

till marriage to do it but what I would

say is somewhere between the crazy

passionate phase where you feel

irrational and making a decision to be

with someone forever you should have a

trial run at living with them and I

don't think that means necessarily going

I'm taking out a mortgage together but

it does mean going and renting a place

together that you can just have the

experience of it even if it was on the

basis of doing it for a few months I

think that a lot of the time moving in

together is something that should take

the form of a more of something more

casual than it really is if you

understand what I mean I think I don't

think we should introduce moving in

together like shall we move in together

now I think it's terrifying for people

and I think it puts too much pressure on

if people say to each other you know

what look we really like each other or

we love each other and we've had such an

amazing time together in our

relationship it feels like is going

somewhere shall we try it for a few

months you know no there's no black and

white everyone you know it's not like

we're doing anything that we can't

reverse if it doesn't work out then

we'll change the situation but why don't

we why don't we try an apartment

together for a few months and just see

what happens that that to me is a very

risk-free way of doing it that allows

people to take the next step without the

pressure of forever which so many people

throw themselves into does that make

sense yes it definitely does that's a

really good way to look at it I hadn't

thought about that yeah I think I feel

like some of the most serious steps that

you take in a relationship should be

treated in a relaxed way yeah and that

allows people to go into them especially

guys who we all know

can be terrified of the notion of a

greater degree of commitment or

investment it allows them to have the

the best of both worlds to both walk

into more commitment whilst at the same

time not giving it this grandiose

meaning that people like to do I always

feel like the moment a woman starts you

know saying this is our first doormat

together oh my god these are our first

tea cups that we've ever had together

these as soon as she starts saying that

about everything he's like oh my god

it's happening I'm living with someone

I'm never gonna be on my own again he

starts freaking out but if you don't go

down that route instead you just treat

it in a relaxed way but allow it to

happen

both of you I think will be a lot

happier okay awesome

thank you that's really really good

advice thanks amber I really appreciate

you calling in it was a cool question a

little different from some of the other

things we've been getting so thank you

of course you have you too if you have a

question for love life and you want to

speak to me just like amber did call in

eight four four two zero four six two

double eight that's eight four four two

zero for Matt I will speak to you soon

my friends

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