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81. Am I ready to date again? (After my breakup)

hello this is Rory with the love chat

and today's topic is am I ready to date

again now this is video number 81 if you

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tree on Comm slash the love chat now

then let's talk about being ready to

date again after your ex it is a great

feeling to know that when you are ready

there will be somebody out there for you

somebody that you can get excited about

once again and that person is out there

but before we even visit the idea of how

to begin attracting somebody new we must

first ask ourselves if we're even ready

to start dating again and so I'm going

to give you guys a couple of things to

think about and questions to ask

yourself while you're trying to decide

this for yourself the first question is

are you happy on your own through this

breakup and rediscovery of who you are

have you discovered that you're able to

be happy by yourself can you take

yourself out to a movie and say this is

great I'm taking myself out on a date

I've got myself back I'm excited about

what's going on in my life for me by

myself it's an amazing feeling once

you're there are you happy on your own

if you can look yourself in the mirror

and say yes I am and I don't need

another person to complete me but as

Corey Wayne always says I am looking to

share my completeness with someone else

then that's a big checkmark for you

number ones down let's talk about number

two are you emotionally available this

is something you really want to consider

heavily because you can be happy on your

own but not be ready to date somebody

because you're not ready to share that

part of yourself again these are two

different ideas and concepts so we

really want to ask ourselves am I ready

to let another person access

that part of me again am I ready to

trust someone else like that again

because we often want to get this

confused with being happy by ourselves I

can be completely 100% okay with who I

am as a person and what I look like and

my friend group and all of that sort of

stuff that we've talked about in other

videos but not want to share the deep

emotional romantic part with somebody

else yet and so that is something you

want to strongly consider are you ready

to show another person that side of you

again the third thing to consider here

is how often are you saying to your

friends comments like when I was with my

ex or that reminds me of a time when my

ex and I if those comments are very

commonplace you're probably not ready

yet now sometimes we bring up those

comments because that is the only point

of reference we have to draw from and so

we call upon that particular example to

say yeah you know I remember going

through that too when my ex and I were

together here's what I did to overcome

that and it's important to know when

you're doing one versus the other when

you're bringing it up because that's the

only time you've had that experience

versus when you're bringing it up

because oh man this new person I'm

casually dating isn't anything like my

ex and I kind of catch myself comparing

my ex to this new person every five

minutes and I'm kind of realizing that

this new person is not my ex if you are

doing that you can probably safely say

that you're not ready to date just yet

a little more time in the pot the next

thing to consider is that is your ex the

first thing you think about when you

wake up and the last thing you think

about before you go to sleep anymore

does time still seem slow do you feel

okay even great not being with your ex

have you regained the ability to make

yourself feel great so I guess that kind

of ties back into number one but really

it is such a painful phenomenon and it's

so shared across different cultures and

different sexual preferences and gender

identities is that when we're going

through a breakup and we vie for our ex

back they are the first thing we think

about when we wake up when we're getting

out of that daze and the Sun just hits

our eyes and we're groggy and at first

for the first couple of seconds we're

feeling pretty okay and then as we

become more conscious it's almost as if

the sadness sets right back in like oh

yeah I'm miserable that's right my ex

left me and they have the last thing we

think about before we go to sleep and

maybe we're even having dreams or

nightmares about them so if that is no

longer true for you though this one

seems rather obvious a lot of people

jump into full relationships knowing

that they're not ready knowing that

they're still checking their exes social

media even though they've been broken up

by six seven months now and so if it

sounds like I'm describing you you're

probably not ready yet the fifth and

last thing that I want to talk about is

that you are excited about the prospect

of a new person maybe there's a

particular person that's making you feel

the butterflies again

maybe you can't get this new person or

crush or even just the idea of having a

new person or crush out of your mind and

you can't wait to show the world the new

evolved version of you where you

maintain your individuality you work on

yourself because you enjoy it you share

yourself with another person but never

lose who you are and you're okay with

the idea of having a potential person

you're currently casually dating invites

you out and you say sorry I have to hang

out with my friends tonight and you

don't feel bad for saying sorry it's a

great place to be

it shows self-reliance and it shows that

you are ready to do this now if you're

not ready that's okay don't judge

yourself based on how you're feeling

today because

the whole idea the whole process of

self-healing and self-love is that you

will become ready one day and then

you'll smeet somebody really cute in a

bar for example or somebody who reads a

book you really like and you see them at

a bookstore and you find them to be very

attractive and you decide to strike up a

simple innocent conversation and you be

receptive to what's next part of working

on yourself is being okay with putting

yourself in situations that break you

out of your comfort zone and I have to

say it's really exciting to do once

you're there once you get over the

initial anxiety you're gonna be really

really happy that you did so if you're

listening to this video and you find

yourself in this category that you are

ready to date again I'm really excited

for you and if you're still working on

yourself I'm excited for you to use this

time to make your life the best version

it can be because we need to live life

assuming that we only get one shot and

so your homework for today is go out

there and kick life's ass that's all I

had for today if you found my video

helpful I'd be very grateful if you'd

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coaching be sure to visit the love chat

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