it

Should I let my baby cry and for how long when putting him/her to bed? -Dr.Paul-

welcome hi this is dr. Paul and it's

another session of ask your pediatrician

want to now take the discussion - should

I let my baby cry how long should I let

my baby cry if I'm putting them to bed

now this is a loaded question for a lot

of people and some people feel very

strongly about it and I want you to know

that there isn't necessarily a right or

wrong when it comes to you know should

you let your baby cry at all if you do

how long and things like that many of

you have heard of this book solve your

child's sleep problems by dr. Ferber

they he's so famous that they call it

the Ferber method

he's been misunderstood in that

sometimes he's referred to as the cried

out doctor the new addition to his book

is clears up a lot of the misconceptions

about crying it out and I highly

recommend this book it's kind of a bible

on sleep it even has charts for how much

sleep a baby should have based on their

age newborns are sleeping about 16 17 18

hours a day by the time you're a year

old it might be 10 12 at the most 14 and

but he addresses this issue of

temperament

there are children I've had a handful of

families where it would absolutely be

cruel to try to teach that child by

letting them cry because they just their

temperament won't it just it won't work

for them but for most children and I've

raised many I have 10 children I've

raised four from infancy from babies as

your child is developmentally

progressing and let's say you have a

toddler in the 1 to 2 year old age range

and they are trying to get your

attention all night long let's say right

I mean parents who are struggling this

with this you you know they don't want

to go to bed they want to drink they

need to get up they need to go to the

bathroom they need you to rock them or

if they're still on a bottle or

breastfeeding they need to be fed and

this can go on all night long

there are ways to have a little bit of

training training is okay there's

another book that a lot of parents

we just can't fathom letting their baby

cry should know about this one's called

the no cries sleep solution and it's

written by a mom and her experience with

her child whose temperament and mom's

own philosophy and parenting style

really was such that she didn't want a

lot of crying it's a good read because

it does give you some other ideas on how

you can approach this if you do want to

train your child I've had been blessed

with children who are very difficult to

get to sleep I'm going to show you a

little illustration let's talk about the

child who's maybe 2 3 4 5 and won't stay

in their room so basically they're going

to sleep and keep you awake and expect

you to entertain them all night long and

you know I'm a working parent and some

of you who are working parents that's

just not practical so they don't want to

stay in their room so what I'm going to

show you is this is going to be the

child's bedroom and we'll just say the

child's name is Noah and he keeps coming

out of the room so I'm going to take

Noah now if you keep coming out I'm

gonna have to close this door oh no no

no I won't come out I will come okay

great you stay in your room now of

course no is actually petrified of being

behind a closed door his temperament is

a little bit that way and he's screaming

so I'm going to open it in just a minute

okay Noah no I'm really going to leave

this door closed if you keep coming out

oh I won't come out so we're good right

but he comes back out so I take Noah

back in I told you this is what was

going to happen we do a little training

a little bit more crying maybe it's five

minutes open the door now now I'll leave

this open if you stay in your room and

you can see how as it progressively gets

more and more intense for him he's he

cannot handle having that door closed so

eventually I can leave this door open

and he stand in his room there's some

crying involved here right but it's not

cruel it's not punishment it's training

I just wanted to illustrate that concept

I think sometimes people are

learn that crying is cruel and you're

punishing it's simply training worst

case scenario I have helped thousands of

parents over the years let's say you've

got a one to two to three-year-old child

who is just will not go down they are in

for the fight and I've got parent after

parent says no doctor you don't

understand my child is different and

I'll say let them scream for three hours

this is going to sound crazy there's

rarely a kid will scream more than three

hours the first day hour and a half a

second half an hour the third and then

you're going to check on them every

twenty minutes maybe ten minutes if you

can't handle that but do it by the clock

not by how much they're screaming by the

end of the week you've got a baby that's

calm peaceful sleeping through the night

and they're happy and you're sleeping

the whole family's happy be forewarned

though in a couple weeks they'll test

you again I don't know what happens

they're fast asleep and they remember

all mommy used to get up with me or

whatever you know to me now who knows

what they're thinking and they'll scream

again and they're testing you or perhaps

they're ill so you know if your child is

not acting well they're really irritable

they're out of character they might be

sick they could have an ear infection if

they've got a fever they probably

certainly are sick but be vigilant for

the fact that they'll just remember I

mean what baby doesn't like cuddling

with their parents nursing all night or

just being entertained I hope that was

helpful

this is dr. Paul and remember I'm your

pediatrician