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10 Questions To Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse

hey there this is Kristen from Kristen

coaching calm today we're going to be

talking about the ten questions you need

to ask your unfaithful spouse in my

previous video I spoke about how to talk

to your cheating husband to see if he's

really sorry here are some specific

questions that you can actually ask your

significant other to really assess the

situation get all the information that

you are going to need to know in order

to figure out if you're gonna be moving

away and a part in your relationship or

if you have the tools and the things

that you can work on to get back

together and get your relationship solid

and even better than it was before so

we're gonna be talking about the 10

questions that you need to ask your

cheating spouse before we do please

subscribe to our YouTube page if you

haven't already okay thank you so much

for supporting me and I'm so glad you're

here for this video so question number

one you need to ask your partner once

once you know that your partner has

cheated on you you need to ask what the

motivation was behind the cheating this

is a way for you to assess the reason

behind it there are so many reasons why

people cheat right so you need to know

what those reasons are it can be

anywhere like if he says I just don't

love you anymore and I'm completely out

of love I mean that's that's a more

devastating situation than you know more

of an opportunistic situation of you

know like I just you know my i met a co

I had a co-worker and you know we got

close and I just and I wasn't thinking

and you know we got close and we had

happened and blah blah blah you know

that kind of thing but I don't have any

feelings for her I mean those are two

very very different scenarios and very

very different situations so it's just

important for you to know why and what

happened in terms of the motivation

behind the cheating even though it's

really hard to hear you got to know the

truth you need to know how many times it

happened there's a huge difference

between cheating just one time versus 50

100 200 times right so you really need

to know how many times that happen you

need to assess the frequency of it you

need to ask your husband you know how

are your partner

you know did if they felt guilty or not

as they were doing it this shows remorse

this assesses this assesses the remorse

in your partner and you want to make

sure that

is remorse there and that he feels bad

and he feels guilty even though it might

be hard to understand to be like well

how can you do it 50 times if you're

feeling guilty every time you should

have stopped after the first time yes I

get that that's logical and you know

there are so many factors that influence

people to be unfaithful and do that

continuously and still feel guilty about

it believe it or not so I do want you to

be able to assess the level of guilt

that they did feel um I want you to ask

if you feel that your partner that if I

want you to ask your partner am I

responsible for you cheating on me I

want you to ask that because if your

partner is blaming you for cheating and

is pointing the finger at you you didn't

do this you didn't do that it's your

fault that is a huge problem because you

need to be able to assess the level of

personal responsibility that your

partner has for the cheating yes your

relationship might not have been healthy

in many ways or you know maybe there are

things that you might have said or did

to create some emotional distance

between you and your partner which in

turn you know triggered him to maybe

want to stray but you are not the sole

responsible person for him cheating at

all your partner had a hundred percent

you know willpower and well on on his

own accord on what he did so if he's

saying yes it's your fault that's a big

problem and you're gonna have a big

problem down the road

to really be able to repair your

relationship because it isn't your fault

and in order to do things differently in

the future we need to take personal

responsibility for our actions nobody

else so I do want you to ask that

question I don't want you to ask that

question to make you feel bad that oh my

god I did have you know responsibility I

didn't make him cheat I drove him to

cheating I don't want you to ask it for

that reason I want you to ask to see

what he says to see if it is your fault

because if he does say it's your fault

again that is a problem because it's not

your fault it's just a way to assess his

level of personal responsibility for his

actions I want you to ask if he had

unprotected sex with a person or persons

that he's been with you need to be able

to assess for your personal safety to

figure out how you're going to take care

of yourself and your physical safety

from here on out because you do have

a right and responsibility to know you

know how safe you are and what to do

from there so you need to know if those

protection sex that was or wasn't going

on are you you need to ask him if he is

willing to do what's necessary to heal

the relationship this is for him to be

able to assess his willingness to change

his willingness to do things differently

in the future you need to ask him what

will he do to show that he is being

honest with me from here on out so you

need to put the ball in his court

okay so ever say okay so let's say that

were together after this and we continue

our relationship how am I gonna know

that you are being honest with me from

here on out the burden is on the person

who cheated to be able to prove that

they are being honest with you from here

on out so they need to come up with

ideas okay what can I do to show my

partner that I am not lying in the

future and then I do want to make this

work

am I gonna be giving them access to all

of my phone passwords and social media

and emails am I gonna be calling them

and checking in with them throughout the

day you know am I going to be you know

just changing my behavior in the

relationship and just being a lot more

open and honest and sincere and

authentic so they can see that I'm

actually trying and I'm and I'm being

more vulnerable with them there are many

things that your partner can do to help

show that they're being honest and get

that trust back in the relationship so

you need to ask your partner what

they're going to be doing to change the

situation you need to ask if your

partner has plans to be with the person

again who they cheated on you with

because this assesses their level of

respect for you and respect for the

relationship because the people are if

they've cheated in there like yeah and

then I continue to cheat you know yeah I

still want to be with this person I'm in

love with this other person I want to

make it you know I want to make it work

with you in them whatever it is because

that stuff does happen you need to know

that your partner is ready to respect

you to respect the relationship and end

the relationship with the other person

or the other people that he's been with

you need to ask your significant other

how do does he feel about the person or

persons that he's been with was there an

emotional connection

you know how intimate was the connection

you need to be able to assess for the

level if the cheating is going to

continue down the road because if your

significant other did not have you know

those types of deep feelings for

somebody else that's a good sign that's

a lot more to work with but if your

other half fell in love with somebody

else that's a lot harder to repair I'm

not saying you can't but again this is

all for assessing to see if your

relationship can last and you're able to

move forward from the situation the last

thing that you want to do is you need to

ask your significant other if they want

to be with you in this relationship do

you want to be with me still after you

have cheated do you want this

relationship to work this assesses your

ability to know really if there is a

future together with you and your other

half obviously you need to decide that

for yourself if you want to be with your

partner after he's cheated but you need

to know what he wants as well you got to

make sure you guys are on the same page

and wanting the same thing in order for

you to be able to move forward down the

same path and make it work if one person

wants it to work and the other person

doesn't that's gonna be a problem if

both of you want it to work after

knowing the whole truth and nothing but

the truth great that's a great sign that

things can be repairable so if you have

any questions or comments please write

them below I'll go back to you um I know

we dived a lot into a lot of questions

to ask but these are really really

important they're all questions to be

able to assess where to go from here and

what to do after your spouse or partner

has cheated again this is Kristin from

Kristin coaching comm and thank you so

much for watching my video today and

I'll see you guys next time bye