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When to Start Dating After a Breakup (Avoid Drama and Disaster)

Hey there, this is Clay with modernlove.life and this is Relationship Inner Game and today

we're going to be closing up this whole breakup series if you will, with the topic of how

to date after a breakup or dating after a breakup.

And the important thing when it comes to dating after a breakup is a lot of people are a little

bit too eager really to start dating after a breakup and that's because they think or

believe that if you just continue to grasp for something outside of yourself, grasp for

sex from an attractive person to date from an attractive person, validation for an attractive

person, commitment from an attractive person, that somehow that will cure your breakup and

make you feel better.

You know, there's even a sage wisdom that says "the best way to get over a breakup is

to date 10 other people or do other things with 10 other people".

Although that might make you feel a little bit better.

It's not going to help you get over your breakup and really learn how to be kind of bullet-proof

to that sort of thing.

In the future, because you're still looking to something outside of yourself to make you

feel better, and yes, the external world is going to have an impact on us.

If somebody nice-looking was flirting with me, I would feel pretty good.

But if that is your metric for how you have moved on from the breakup, if you know this

attractive person is going out on a date with me, therefore I'm over my ex or this person

is more attractive than my ex, therefore they're going to be jealous.

Or this person is better than my ex, or this person is kinder than my ex, this relationship

that we have is so much better than my, than my relationship that I had with my ex or something

like that.

Then you're never really free from the relationship that you had with your action of really free

from the breakup.

In fact, you're in a rebound relationship and those don't really tend to work out too

well.

They often implode and fall apart because there's a whole lot of emotional unavailability

going on there and the topic of emotional unavailability is a little bit beyond the

scope of this video, but just take my word at it.

Everybody who is going through a breakup at least initially will be emotionally unavailable

for at least a short period of time.

Now, some of those people will bounce back and become emotionally available.

People again, who can go on to have great healthy, normal relationships, but some of

those people that stay emotionally unavailable are going to have a very difficult time finding

commitment.

They're going to have a very difficult time connecting with others and they're going to

have a very difficult time having a great, wonderful, successful love life.

So I don't want you to do that.

I don't want you to start dating after a breakup too quickly, especially when you're not fully

healed emotionally from the breakup itself.

We've made a couple of videos already on the topic of healing from a heartbreak, so please

go ahead and watch those so that you can actually get yourself up to speed and you don't prematurely

start dating new people, hoping that some, some new attractive person in your life is

going to actually heal you because it's not.

It's just gonna agitate that validation-seeking mechanism within you a little bit more and

cause you to continue to work outside of yourself for validation, Continuing to work outside

of yourself for love.

And of course, you know, if that attractive person that you do get to validate you, decided

to break up with you later on, then you're still gonna

feel pretty lousy and you're going to be right back to where you started from and don't want

that happen to you.

So please learn how to heal from the breakup the right way so that you can have healthy,

wonderful, amazing connections with people.

Whether you're dating, whether you're getting into a committed relationship or whatever,

so that it's not just some cruddy rebound relationship, but it's a real fulfilling,

rewarding relationship.

That's actually going to give you what you want in the long run.

If that sounds like something that you'd like to do, please head on down below this video

and if you're on our website - modernlove.life, click the link below this video that'll take

you over to a page where I'll show you how you can actually set yourself up to have a

great dating life after a breakup, by really doing the hard work of, of really processing

the emotions and really drawing a line in the sand and making that breakup one of the

best experiences of your life because it will help to re-contextualize everything and set

you up for a much more positive relationship - a much more positive dating life moving

forward.

If you're on youtube on the other hand, what I'd like you to do is to go down below this

video and click on the link in the description box.

That'll take you over to our website called relationshipinnergame.com.

Over there, I'll just ask you a couple of quick questions about your breakup and what

you're going through right now.

It should only take about 30 seconds and once I know a little bit more about what you're

going through and all of that, I'll send you some advice, tips and strategies that are

tailored to what you've told me and they'll help you get over your breakup and start dating

again.

Okay.

When the time is right and when the context is right and all of that but yeah, I hope

you've liked this video and if you do like the video, please feel free to like the video,

subscribe to the channel and please leave a comment down below letting me know what

sorts of videos you'd like to see in the future.

Once again, this has been Clay with modernlove.life and I hope that this has helped you improve

your Relationship Inner Game.

I'll talk to you in the next video.