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Is There A Right Time To Break Up?

Matthew Hussey here with love life we

have a question that has been sent in

today the question is when is it too

late to break off your relationship

before the holidays and how do you do it

this is an interesting question actually

because it we've all been in that

situation before where you're trying to

figure out when is the right time to say

something that is going to be a car

crash essentially could should you do it

before the holidays you then have the

guilt of wrecking the holidays for

somebody should you wait till afterwards

in which case you're going to feel like

a phony the whole way through the

holidays while you're thinking about it

but not telling them the honest truth I

think that we have to we're always

trying to think of well if we're that

this type of person was trying to think

of what's best for the other person in

the situation when is this going to do

the least damage well firstly we have to

understand that of course it will do

damage there's no getting around that

but we have to look practically at this

situation now interestingly about the

holidays the holidays is actually a time

when they're likely to be able to spend

time with people they love friends

family colleagues they're going to be

spending time with people that care

about them and in that sense we may

actually see this as a good time to

break up with someone that if we break

up with them before the holidays begin

and they go into all of that love and

distraction they may actually be

thankful for that though they won't show

it on a deeper level they might be

thankful for the fact that they're

walking straight into all of this love

and protection from the people that they

care about

now the people they care about might not

appreciate it because they're now going

to have some sullen mopey person around

for the holidays but that's not your

concern

you can't worry about everybody the fact

is when they have when she or he goes

back to their family they have time to

distract themselves if you did it after

the holidays when they're going back to

their normal routine that might be even

harder for them to suddenly go back into

their normal routine with the depression

that come

can come along after a breakup not only

that but do you really want to spend the

holidays getting closer to someone

buying them romantic gifts meeting and

getting closer to their family spending

time having all of this stuff that

actually encourages intimacy and

closeness only to then break up

afterwards is that something you want to

put you and the other person through is

creating a couple of weeks of brand-new

sentimental memories that are going to

be trashed immediately afterwards

because we might say that there's a

there's a legitimate argument for saying

that if someone has an exam coming up

for example or an important job

interview that breaking up with them

directly before that job interview or

exam is a mean thing to do because now

they might go into that thing that's

important to their life with a terrible

attitude and depression and not know how

to actually put their best foot forward

it might be the case that waiting until

after that big event in their life is

more is more fair to that person is the

the thing to do that would serve them

best but in the case of the holidays I'm

not so sure that's true if you're

breaking up with someone doing the hard

thing is always going to be something

that plagues you but don't use excuses

like the holidays to put it off because

I'm telling you now once the holidays

are over there will be some other excuse

why you can't do it and that that thing

those excuses can carry on and delay a

relationship and the break-up for months

or even years on end do not continue to

use excuses to get in the way of it

unless you truly think that it's best

for the other person that you don't do

it right now too often we confuse what's

good for the other person with what we

really think is selfishly good for us

don't be one of those people all right

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