Is My Relationship Worth Saving | Or Should I Cut Ties With Ex?

is my relationship worth saving I get

this question all the time in my

one-on-one coaching sessions I get it in

the YouTube comments I get it on my

Instagram is my relationship worth

saving if you're asking yourself this

question you're in the right place my

name is coach Natalie and I'm a part of

love advice TV and this channel this

community we've created is to help you

guys at home coach yourself store

whatever struggle you are facing in your

relationship and right now the struggle

is real the struggle is should I save

this thing or should I cut ties as you

can imagine your relationship is

incredibly unique no two are the same

and so it's not fair for me sitting here

in this room to tell you yeah cut the

cord call it quits it's also not fair

for me to say fight tooth and nail for

the rest of your life to make something

work only you can answer the question

there is no right or wrong answer

there's only a real answer however there

are signs that we can consider when

making this really loaded decision a

decision that will change the rest of

our lives the course of our journey in

its entirety I think the biggest sign to

consider is value systems

what really aligns to people for a

long-term relationship is a unity and

value systems a relationship between how

you guys see yourselves and how you guys

see your role in the world around you

being able to develop common life

projects long-term goals feeling aligned

with how you want to raise your family

or where you like to spend your quality

time or how you like to educate yourself

there's so many things that represent

our values so many people might say well

our values are aligned that's perfectly

fine but it's the little things that are

a big struggle in this relationship it's

the little things it's it's the fact

that he is always late or she always

lies or whatever it may be but what I

want you to focus here is how those

little things represent someone's value

system it's not about what they do it's

about how what they do represents who

they are that's the difference if you

feel like fundamentally they align with

your values I would save this thing

those little things those trivial

matters that they are resolvable but if

you feel like the challenges in this

relationship pressure you to abandon who

you are or pressure you to rewire the

way you see the world or pressure you to

excuse behaviors that you genuinely do

not agree with this relationship may not

be the one for you I don't think it's an

easy decision to make either way whether

it's to save it or whether it's to leave

it the reality is is that it hurts that

you're in the spot it probably hurts

that you're watching this video you

didn't want to get here here's an

exercise I would encourage you to do

that I think might be really really

helpful I want for you to make a list of

the challenges your relationship faces

make a list of what brought you here

today is it the line is it the

punctuality is it the feeling of being

taken for granted what is it that is

making you question whether or not this

relationship is worth saving outline it

in detail the more you're willing to

flesh it out the easier it's gonna be

for you to do the next part the next

part is this how can you solve those

issues be honest with yourself

what can you do not them we have to

assume that they are fixed variables in

time and that your partner is who they

are and they will be who they will be

and so when we think of solutions for

part two we can only consider what we

can do

what can we incorporate to alleviate the

struggle what can we incorporate to

alleviate the pressure how can we fix

this thing in the hypothetical case that

our partners will not contribute to the

solution process if in those solutions

you feel like you have to change who you

are fundamentally change who you are and

how you handle circumstances or or how

you perceive the world around you then I

think it becomes so much more clear that

this relationship is really asking

them are you and that's not what

relationships are I shouldn't have to

pick you or me I should get to have both

I should get to have the us and the

independent life I should get to

continue to function within my moral

coding I should consider continue to

focus on my values those are the things

that should propel me forward my

personal journey is still real here

even if I'm in a relationship with

someone else don't neglect yourself and

so if in a solutions list you have to

neglect yourself your needs your desires

your preferences your values and I think

we've come up with the answer the answer

is maybe this relationship isn't the one

you want but if they take less and maybe

maybe she wants a girls night so I'm

gonna go I didn't have a guys night or

maybe I maybe she just wants me to be a

little less controlling okay fine then

maybe I'm gonna make sure to put my

phone away in the evening so that I

don't feel the need to pull it out and

ask her what she's doing all mine if

their little modifications save this

thing and I can help you do it so as I

mentioned the very beginning of this

video every relationship is entirely

unique this video that you're watching

is kind of a bit more generic it's kind

of suitable for so many different people

but if you want advice for you and you

want to know whether or not this

relationship is salvageable I would love

to help you I would love to connect with

you and I'd love to hear the intricacies

of your story the details that make you

unique that make your situation unique

and from there you and I can work

together and we can craft something that

a strategy that you can be proud of and

if in the end you need to walk you'll

know you did everything you could and

you'll know that you can exit this

relationship with with integrity and

with dignity and respect and so many

people can't say that because sometimes

we wait for the cookie to crumble and we

wait for that straw that breaks the

camel's back and we say things we regret

and we do things we regret and if

there's one piece of advice I can give

you as a relationship coach is that once

you do you cannot undo you cannot take

it back

so I encourage you to do the exercise

sit and assess this situation and I know

you can come up with the answer and I

would love to help you get there so I

invite you to schedule a one-on-one with

me I would love to coach you outside of

that the YouTube comments section below

feel free to be yourself I invite you to

be yourself don't censor who you are

spill it tell us what's going on we are

here to help I know coach Steven Sameera

Alex Adriene we've dedicated our lives

toward this practice and we would love

to see you get the results that we know

you deserve so thank you so much for

Judt for tuning in to love advice TV I'm

coach Natalie and I look forward to

connecting with you