Tea 03: Is it too late to transition? How to know yourself more.

hi i'm ashley adamson

this is tea time it's an unedited

unscripted series where we explore trans

topics and other things as well

a lot to do with personal development

today we're going to be talking about

transitioning later is that even like

is is there a time where you can not

transition is that a valid question to


and also talking a little bit about how

your interests change

over time when you transition which is a


one of y'all suggested yesterday cutie

yuri i believe thank you cutie

um so yeah so let's talk about

transitioning later

i hear this a lot more often than i like


which is you know i don't know

if i should transition because maybe

it's too late

no it's never too late never never never


that question is really coming from the

wrong place i don't know about you if

you've already transitioned or not

but for people that have already

transitioned how do you feel when you

hear that question

you know what the answer is you know

what it's like on the other side

but for people that are not on the other

side of their transition who are

thinking about it

you don't know what's on the other side

and there's so much to be found and so

much to be

discovered you can't compare your mental

model of who you think you are now and

your happiness now

to where you will be in the future when

you transition because when you get into

so much more of

what you love and and and finding more

of who you are

there's so much more joy and so much

more magic to just be discovered in this


so saying is it too late to transition

is saying

i want to transition but maybe i just


look as good or i won't get the results

that i want and

if those are all superficial if you want

to transition just transition

live a little bit with no regrets like

you know i don't know if you've had

regrets in your life i think a lot of

people have

think back to your last one that you've

had you know would you have done things


knowing what you know now

yeah knowing what i know now i would

have totally done a lot of things


and those regrets that i have feed me

that fire to

say you know what i'm not gonna not

gonna regret this one

and that was the main thing for me when

i transitioned was

looking back at my life pretending that

i was on my deathbed and saying you know


looking back at the forks in the road

which one would i

really like to have known had i've gone


it's like to know if i really was a

woman so

don't ask that question yourself is it

too late it's never too late

yeah sure you're not gonna get some

things which sucks you know like if


60 or 70 you may not get some of the

changes you want

uh that you could have gotten when you

were 20 or 30.

but it's never too late and you'll still


so much happiness and so much joy out of

it so

yeah it's just a dumb question to ask

ask yourself

would i like to regret not doing

something that i know

that i innately want and even still

asking that question slightly

differently if you know

what you know in five can you imagine


five years from now still not


and still wanting transition who would

that person be

and how would that person feel about

your decision to not make that decision

five years earlier i think everyone says

they wish they would have done it

earlier and i

am totally in that camp speaking of

transitioning later

i transitioned about two and a half

years ago and i'm well advanced as an

adult i missed

you know many opportunities to do it as

a younger age

and because of that i really got into

knowing myself and and

finding a calibration in myself that i


was acceptable for myself and i think


is somewhat of a unique experience for

people who transition later

for those that have transitioned later

i'd love to hear what your thoughts are

but what in you

feels like it's a hangover from the old

version of you

do you know what i mean there's parts of

you that you start to recognize

that are the old you and that you're


hashing through and kind of cleaning out

and reshaping

into who you are now and i explained

this to some people who are later in

their transition

but they feel like they're

maybe going to lose a part of themselves


there's no loss of yourself there's just

more of yourself kind of coming to the

to the front

so yeah it's never too late and i think

there's a lot more working through your

personality and who you know yourself to


as you get older because you're so used

to being a certain way

today for example i found myself

operating and moving

like i used to and that's just because i

have all of my life

working that way and only recently

having changed

recent it feels like it's been forever

but you know

two two and a half years so um

yeah i'd love to hear what your thoughts

are on that and like how your experience

has been if you've transitioned

and also like if you haven't

transitioned but you're thinking about


like what are some of the things that

are holding you back um and

what i would ask another question just

for you to ask yourself which is

um how might you get over these things

um how can you support yourself to move

through these things

and i know there's a lot of hard hurdles

like potentially losing your family

or health issues and things like that

you don't

need to take hormones to effectively

transition and

um sometimes it is better to wait a


longer on the flip side um if you're

like 16 or

you know 17 i've gotten calls on the

trans lifeline where

you know it's they're 17 and they have

one more year before they can leave

their transphobic parents and family

behind and they're like i can't do it

like i really just need to transition

and it's kind of like

i don't know if this is you know

everyone's advice but

i'd say just wait you know if you can

get blocker is great if you can't it's

not the end of the world

it's one year you know people transition

much older than

18. i didn't transition at 18. i waited

much longer for that

and i'm still pretty happy there are

some things that i wish that

you know had happened i think the

biggest thing is um

you know the hips uh they seal when

you're 25

so you know if you don't take hormones


then until after 25 then you can't you


get the hips wide which kind of sucks


um my sister reassures me that there

isn't much hip

in our genetics so not to expect much


which is sort of nice uh yeah on to

uh the topic by cutie yuri interest and

how they shift

after you transition well i'd love to


how like what your interests are first

of all and how they've shifted

as you transition or even as you grow

and develop as a person you know

things things change right your life


and your interests kind of change based

on your priorities and

what you find makes you happy and kind

of looping back to transitioning

later or just transitioning and knowing

yourself the more you get to know

yourself the more you

realize what actually nourishes you and

one of the topics we covered in managing

yourself on

episode one was like knowing that your

brain doesn't always know

what you actually need and i think that


back to your hobbies and the things that

you like sometimes hobbies aren't good

for you like

i played a lot of computer games and i

still play some computer games but i

played a lot and it just

it's not good for me i just didn't get i

wasn't happy i wouldn't

do things i wouldn't like to go out

because i had plenty of stimulation

right so um that aside

transitioning i think the biggest most

marked differences

is that i write a lot i write so much

before i hated writing

now i love writing i write all the time

second thing i didn't make videos i had

nothing to say i thought and now i feel

like i have everything to say and

everything to communicate about i really

really really

want to get positive messages across and

sharing that with the community

um and then third i like to go on a lot

of dates

before i you know i think as an asian

male you're

considered to be in the least desirable


of dateable people um you know it sucks

but um when you're an asian

or half asian female suddenly you become

put into the opposite class which i

think is ironic of like the most


the date so i really enjoy going on


and the reason why is because uh

the interaction with femininity and

masculinity you know like

however you are there is some kind of

interplay in this energy when you go out

on a date

right um even if you're non-binary


certain aspects of personalities that

have more masculine and more

like feminine traits and that interplays

is sort of like the chemistry and how

you interlock

and uh the chemistry is is who you are

it's who you are interacting with

another person of who they are

and in finding myself and inactivating

myself i find that playing with that

chemistry is so rewarding and enjoyable

so i like to go on dates i haven't found


you know the right one for me but maybe

there isn't one maybe there's two or


i don't know i expect there to be one

but for the moment dating in berlin is


so i'd love to hear what your thoughts

are and if you have any topics you'd

like to cover

and how it's been going for you whether

you've transitioned now or transitioned


and yeah i'll see you tomorrow uh i'm

ashley adamson this is tea time episode

three thank you for all your support

and i'll see you tomorrow bye