Should you tell a dementia patient that they are being moved to a Memory Care Facility?

do I tell my loved one that we're moving

him or her you know into a memory care

unit I don't know the answer to this I

can share with you experiences I can

share with you a little bit of insight

and advice but ultimately the decision

is on you and you have to base that

decision on several factors

you have to really sit down and

understand what is the level of dementia

that this person has what are other

conversations that we've had that they

have become upset about or it's

increased their level of anxiety it's

added additional stress how do I think

they're going to accept this have I

talked to the physician about really

where are they in their disease process

is this something they can even

rationalize anymore or not I would say

that and we talked a little bit earlier

about there are some cases and some

instances but they're usually pretty

rare where the person diagnosed can take

part in that decision-making process

usually my experience has shown me that

that's not usually the case sometimes

it's not Beth just to tell it like it is

you cannot argue and convince that

person you need this help you need this

assistance you can't live home alone

anymore this is what we're going to do

that is really a tough tough decision oh

and I think that's probably the the

biggest one that most family members

really struggle with in this process I

would say to you though that in today's

day and age we have the world at our

fingertips with the Internet and the

World Wide Web

we can go online and we can look up

topics and we can do research and that's

why it's important to understand what

type of dementia does that person have

as well and that just empowers you a

little bit more so that you can start

making informed decisions and really

start planning this process I will tell

you that over the years I've seen

different techniques used when it comes

to the actual transition the

vision and what the individual would

dementia what they're told I have seen

where a family member has told a loved

one we're going out to lunch they happen

to go to the facility for lunch and

that's that I have seen where family

members identify to the loved one you

know your doctor wants you here for a

little while so we can start monitoring

changes in your medication or perhaps

that that individual with dementia

depending on what stage they're in and

what other disease processes they have

they may be really focused in on another

condition that they have so I've seen

family members where they've identified

to the loved one you know the doctor

wants you here for a little while to

monitor your medications for your at you

know syndrome or whatever that I've seen

good results with that one if the person

with dementia has a good relationship

and a good trust into their doctor I've

actually seen very good results with

that one I've seen family members tell

loved ones as well you know we're doing

remodeling at the house or we're doing

this at the house and you need to be out

for a while you know I've seen numerous

little white lies if you will being told

I've also seen some times where it's

just not telling the truth

it's just omitting the truth and family

members just continue to divert the

conversation and redirect it and waiting

for after that move in that individual

to become accustomed to their

surroundings and eventually just settle

in and believe it or not as I said

earlier 250 plus admissions that I've

witnessed personally 95% of those over a

period of time adjust very well and the

questions don't come out anymore and the

anger and the anxiety and the stress is

not there anymore

and while this disease is devastating

and it's heartbreaking and I know that

there's some sense that well the disease

also allows them to forget and stop


and settle in and accept what their new

home and their new lifestyle has become

and they're quite contented so it's

really a difficult balancing act but as

I said earlier I don't have the answer

if you were searching for do I tell them

or not I think this is an individual

decision it's one that you really have

to look at and really dissect and

investigate and do your research and

talk to other family members talk to the

physician talk to the facility but

regardless of what you do whatever that

decision is whatever you are telling

this loved one make sure that everybody

knows everybody's got to be on the same

page everybody's got to be you know

singing the same tune on this one so

that is what I will tell you that is

very important