When It's Time To Let Go Of Your Ex...

hey what's up Chris sader here founder

of ex-boyfriend recovery and today we're

gonna be talking about when you should

let go of your ex or if you should let

go of your ex basically I'm just gonna

tell you the signs that will tell you if

you should let go of your ex okay but

first before we get started I always

like to recommend to anyone who is new

to this process and wants to figure out

if they even have a chance of getting

their ex back to simply go to our

website WWF's boyfriend recovery calm

and take the quiz that I put together

there this quiz is specially designed to

answer the question of if you have a

chance of getting your ex back or not

taking the quiz is a very easy simply

look in the description below this

YouTube video click on the link you see

there it's going to take you to a page

that will ask you lots of background

questions about you your ex and your

relationship or your time together based

on how you answer those questions we're

actually going to run them through an

algorithm based on my own personal

experience as well as what we know to be

true about exes and breakups in general

and come up with a score for you so that

you have an idea of what kind of chance

you have of getting your ex back now if

you score lowly and you're thinking oh I

have no chance of getting my ex back

don't worry we have you covered we're

actually gonna also take your answers

and recommend personalized advice based

on how you answered your quiz on what

you should be doing in your situation so

taking this free 2 minute quiz is super

easy simply look in the description

below the YouTube video click on the

link you see there and we'll hook you up

alright so let's get to talking about

when you should let go of your ex

alright so how do you know when it's

time to let go when it's time to truly

just give up on your situation and move

on to someone else and it's an

interesting question that we're going to

be exploring today and there's actually

seven signs that I've been able to link

to kind of situations where it's a smart

idea to move on so let's just jump right

into those right now so the first one

that I think you should always consider

is the idea of an on-again off-again

relationship where nothing really


now a lot of people when they ask me

Chris give me a situation where I'm

gonna have the best chance of getting my

ex back and I'll often tell that person

I actually think the person with the

very best chance of getting near exes

back would be someone who's been

consistently in an on-again off-again

relationship with her ex now why well

there's already a historical precedent

set of hey you're able to have gotten

this person back before the question is

a little flawed because someone who

asked me Chris give me a situation where

I'll have the best chance it doesn't

necessarily mean give me a situation

where I'll have the best chance of

sustaining a long-term relationship I

always like to kind of you on again off

again relationship sort of like a wheel

right so as the wheel turns it goes from

on again to off again then back to on

again the back to off again and really

the challenge lies in breaking this

pattern and I find that the pattern is

extremely difficult to break and I think

you know the whole point of this is to

be able to break the pattern by not

repeating the sins of the past right so

if you think about it if you look at

your relationship with your ex and you

think about all the times that you've

gotten back together has that original

problem that caused you to break up and

press it throughout have you just been

repeating the same behaviors over and

over again because if that's the case

there's no historical precedent being

set that anything is going to be

different going forward so that could be

a situation where it might be a good

idea to start looking at moving on the

next situation I think is where you text

your ex and they're ignoring you now

don't freak out if you've text your ex

and they've ignored you once I'm talking

about like permanently right I work with

a lot of people one on one right and so

one of the big things that I try to

teach people is coming up with

interesting ways of texting their ex

right so there's a lot of different ways

to do this you can come up with some

sort of text message it has a lot of

curiosity and Bude into it you can come

up with the attacks

such that it's a pattern interrupt

something that will capture their

attention every text that I work with my

clients on is meant to yield responses

right and so one you know recently one

client that I've been working with this

is the text that we came up with for her

situation can you keep a secret now this

creates it's kind of like an open loop

right so it's a unanswered question

there's a reason why her ex would want

to respond to this because he wants to

figure out what the secret is and also

there's kind of a curiosity imbued into

this because guess what what is the

secret I need to know what the secret is

right if you consistently text your ex

with really really great clever text

messages they don't always have to be

like this one but you're trying and they

do not respond they could just

completely ignore you time and time

again you've tried maybe five or six

times that could be a sign it's time to

let go it's time to move on and try

something different the next thing that

I want to talk about is that actually if

there's strong evidence that they won't

ever commit right and probably the best

analogy I can give you here is actually

by looking at that TV show How I Met

Your Mother

how much your mother is kind of a the

the TV show that took over the torch

from them the famous TV show friends

it's about a group of people who just

basically said in a bar tell funny

stories and a lot of is about the main

character and how he's telling a story

to his kids about how he met his mother

and it just goes through all sorts of

shenanigans anyways there's a scene in

there there's an episode in there where

they talk about this hook right and how

someone can sort of keep you on the hook

without ever having any kind of

intention of committing to you ever and

though often say this line right here

I'm really into you I just can't be with

you right now

ten right now is the classic on the hood

catchphrase yep

right now paints a picture of some sort

of magical future time when everything

will work out but the truth is it's like

this I can't be with you boom right now

so that's actually one of my favorite

clothes from How I Met Your Mother the

Barney Stinson closing the door then

kind of cracking and open with the right

now and that's sort of what this one is

like now in real life you know Hollywood

doesn't always sort of it doesn't always

work out that way in Hollywood right

real life can be a little bit different

the quote unquote right now sort of slam

the door in the face thing doesn't often

come out as exactly that sometimes it

could be something is them giving you

false hope and I think more than

anything the thing I tell my clients to

look at is do not do not take people

face value when they say something to

you look at what they do their actions

will tell the whole story of how they

feel so if you consistently are being

strung along by your ex and they're

there giving you sort of false hope or

they're making or doing things to give

you these mixed signals or in one minute

they feel like they're ready to drop

everything and commit to you in the next

minute they avoid you like the play just

look at what their actions are saying

not what their words are saying and that

should tell the whole story the next

thing that you should sort of keep an

eye out for is if your ex is only in it

for the sex this is kind of an

interesting thing this is a situation

that one of my clients was recently

faced with a couple of months ago where

I was working with this person who was

trying to get their ex back and

everything I was recommending this

person just wouldn't work it's like

everything fell flat on its face and

when when I when I'm encountered by

situations like this I often will sit

back and say okay what can I do what

what what have I overlooked here and so

I started asking this person about their

overall situation again and again and

started learning that actually the whole

foundation of their entire relationship

was built on sex

meaning the ex was only with this person

for sex and that's all they were

interested in and so I of course you

know when when I break this news to the

person they're completely livid they're

not happy to hear this they disagree

with me completely and I say okay well

that's fine if you disagree of it here

just just humor me for a little bit

let's put your ex to a test because

anytime that this person would get their

ex to respond to them the ex would

respond to them in very sexual ways

right so I said okay well how about this

if your ex responds to you in a sexual

way do not respond in fact don't even

flirt with them and just see what

happens and it was almost funny how fast

it unraveled and how fast I was proven

right because the second that the ex

made some sort of move and was asking

for like pictures or something like that

and my person that my client just said

no they threw a tantrum - a tantrum to

the point where the calling my you know

my client names and all sorts of things

like that and this is a great example of

someone who's only in it for sex this is

not someone you should be trying to win

back this is someone you should be

trying to let go all right this one this

particular sign is pretty

self-explanatory this is where you're in

a relationship that's been abusive

either physically or emotionally I don't

think I have to go to too deep into

details here you should never ever be

with someone who's physically abusive I

think the emotional abuse is often

overlooked and it's hard to kind of have

a measure but you will know if you've

been emotionally abused just by looking

and comparing it to some of the other

signs out there are people who have been

emotionally abused but I think the one

thing I want to highlight here is I'm

not just talking about it if your ex has

been abusive to you I'm talking about if

you have been abusive to your ex those

are situations it's kind of two sides of

the same coin in my opinion so I think

that's something that you need to keep

an eye out for as well this is the other

thing the situation where you're trying

to get someone back and you just can't

stop fighting and

every time you're communicating with

each other and often when I talk about

this I tell the story of my very first

relationship ever where I remember

literally there was a point throughout

the relationship where I'm we we would

get into fights all the time right so I

remember literally after one fight one

day I remember thinking wow we have

fought every single day this week every

single day I counted it up and it was

just shocking and I remember thinking is

this what it's supposed to be like to be

in a relationship with someone and it's

not good relationships it's normal to

fight in good relationships it's not

normal to fight every single day so

that's kind of a good precursor that can

tell you if you need to maybe let go and

then the final thing is if they're

stalking involved no stalking can be

physical but it can also be cyber right

so if you or your ex has been stalking

in there's a sort of not worn what am I

looking for here the terminology if

there's a restraining order out on you

or you've fired one filed one on your ex

let go it's it's time to move on the I

will say this is probably among the

rarest situations I see I can probably

in the course of the six and a half

years I've been doing this count them on

one hand how often I've seen situations

like this but I have seen them and these

are not circumstances where you should

be trying to get an ex back so here's

what I also want to say most of these

particular signs that we covered today

it's it's sort of a negative topic right

a lot of you guys want to get your exes

back or find a way to get your exes back

and we're talking about sort of those

situations where maybe it's not a good

idea to get your ex back but I find that

oftentimes when you're obsessed so much

about getting your ex back it's easy to

commit maybe not stalking but it's easy

to commit some of these signs right it's

easy to you know be in an on-again

off-again relationship and just

completely overlook the off-again phase

it's easy

overlook or make an excuse if your ex

doesn't text you back it's easy to look

at your own text messages and think to

yourself I could do better it's easy to

overlook the fact that hey they've never

given you any legitimate reason to make

you think that they're ready to commit

it's easy to overlook the fact that

they're only in it for sex I told that

story that's exactly what my client did

it's easy to overlook abuse as sad as it

is people we see all sorts of people who

are abused in relationships and

marriages that refuse to leave the

person they're with it's easy to

overlook the fact that you can't stop

fighting with one another it's also easy

to overlook stalking the fact that I

have to put this in this youtube video

just shows you how people can overlook

these things I think more than anything

though the thing I want to leave you

with is these are all very very rare

situations right these are you know most

of the time you're not gonna see someone

who's been in an abusive relationship

that wants to get back with their ex

most of the time you're not gonna be

trying to get back with an ex if you

have a restraining order on you or

they've review put a restraining order

on them so don't freak out if maybe your

situation has a tug a touch of your ex

ignoring you don't freak out if you your

situation has a touch of the on-again

off-again relationship don't freak out

if there has been some evidence where

maybe you're making progress with them

and they're not able to commit don't

freak out if you maybe fought a little

bit more than normal

I'm talking about extremes here with

each one of these signs these are you

should always let go of an ex if you're

doing one of these signs to an extreme

so that's the thing I just want to leave

you with so this was a blast guys I

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basically teach you to the best of my

abilities how you can get

with your ex or even get over your ex if

that's what you want take care