The Long Distance Relationship Break Up

okay so I've been getting a lot of

emails at that long-distance

relationships specifically long-distance

breakups of course and it's obviously a

sign of the times because let's face it

back in the day when people used to move

city or country they just hopped on a

boat and it was goodbye forever I'll

never hear from you again but nowadays

with modern technology and the internet

you know it's interesting it's kind of

pulled us all together but it's

attaching us in a way that makes our

relationships physically further apart

it's very strange but I'm getting a lot

of emails about long-distance

relationships and I have experience with

long-distance relationships and I have

to say and it's a very strange thing for

people that have never done it but I

will admit that there is something about

a long-distance relationship or a

long-distance breakup that is actually

significantly worse than a regular

breakup and I know that anyone who

hasn't been in one will suddenly be like

what are you on about you it's easier

you don't have to deal with maybe

running into your ex oh oh you know the

same time zone but it actually is worse

I think because when you're in a

long-distance relationship what you're

doing is so unbelievably crazy I mean it

makes sense at the time like when you

both decide to do it it makes sense

during but once you're out of that

relationship it suddenly makes

absolutely no sense you can't believe

you've done it ever you're you're like

what the hell was I thinking obviously

it wasn't gonna work this is why people

don't do that but you thought you

were the exception unfortunately

long-distance relationships always fail

unless if you've been together for a

long time and that you have a time in

the future that is set that you will be

living in the same city again if you get

torn apart by you know visas or getting

sent somewhere for work and there's just

no sense of an ending to waiting they

will just end because your partner or

even you will suddenly start getting

doubt here's how what happens the dead

creeps in when one of you starts seeing

reality for what it is because we're in

a long-distance relationship you spend

the entire time trying to convince your

body and mind that you are in a

relationship and that this person is

still here you sort of are living in the

past you haven't if you've moved to a

new city

you you haven't really got to that city

you're still mentally in the old city

you're picturing that person you were

with you're living still through their

day because you know that city and

that's your city together

whereas this new city is kind of like a

burden to you and you sort of lock

yourself away from all the possibilities

in that city because you're clinging on

to this person from the past and it just

gets so unbelievably messy so they

always end because it doesn't matter

what the reason that your ex ever said

it always ends because of the distance

the distance is too unrealistic it's not

natural it never used to happen this is

you know we're the first generation of

this kind of to ever even try it

it's such an absurd obscene idea there's

no shame in it failing but the reason

that you're so upset with it as I did

swear I would tell you I've got

sidetracked a thousand times the reason

that it's so upsetting is that where

you're in the relationship you train

your brain to think about this person

even when they're not there and now that

they're gone your brain still keeps

going through those motions so it

doesn't matter that this person is gone

technically it's that they have been

living in your brain they already have a

place there where they're just

constantly running it doesn't matter

you're just always gonna think about

them and you also don't feel like you're

now lost in this new place that you are

because you were holding on to the past

before and the breakup or the breakup

also doesn't really feel real because it

didn't happen in person it happened over

the phone or it happened in Skype so you

always have this feeling oh if they

could just see me and they could just

you know have this vibe then it would

all change so that sort of keeps this

feeling going longer because it's not a

natural organic ending really it's like

one of you has just got fed up and

started realizing how unrealistic it is

and then maybe their brain tricks them

into certain things like oh you know I

just don't feel the same way or any of

that stuff it's not really the case like

they don't feel the same way as in they

don't feel over-the-top in love to the

point they want to be in a long-distance

relationship but the truth is that they

just really don't want to be in a

long-distance relationship anymore

and they'll convince their

and brain of anything to get out of it

and unfortunately you are the victim of

that so just be aware that the reason

that it hurts so much is that your phone

you're so used to looking at your phone

and suddenly you're not getting any

messages on your phone it's a really

strange thing you're not getting any

messages and there's a strange isolation

that happens because you've sort of

barricaded yourself away you've got

addicted to your phone you've got

addicted to this other person they have

to over take in all of your thoughts and

your life essentially because you're

always having this constant thing of

half living in another city in your mind

and that when it ends it's just so

unbelievably lonely and you can't get

your head around it it's a very strange

process and especially if you're at a

city on your own but the reason that

I've made this video is as so many

people are reaching out to me and

there's just a few little bits of advice

that I've seen or there's a few

questions I have to address because oh

my god one of them was someone saying

should I go to the city and you show up

at their doorstep and this person

actually said this to me genuinely like

they in no way were sarcastic about it

it was shocking every time so the quick

answer says no never in long distance or

not never show up on your ex's doorstep

holy you are gonna give off such a

stalker vibe and if you have flown from

another country you might be on this

train in your mind if like oh my god I'm

gonna get there I'm gonna win them back

it's gonna be so romantic it's gonna be

like all those romance movies and then

you get there and what they're like

coming home from work you catch them off

guard and they're like holy what

are you doing here oh god no I have to

have this conversation that's not gonna

be romantic and you're gonna feel like a

idiot for flying or driving at

four hours to get there because you

can't like what were you thinking you

know like what did you expect to happen

it's just it's so unrealistic other

people are asking you know obviously the

main question is can I ever get this

person back because it's a long distance

and the answer is of course you can

always get someone back

I fully believe there's no timeline on

it once the door is opened it can always

be reopened it's just about willing

on either of your part if you end up

back in the same city as your ex and

they ever reach out to you out of

curiosity and with a long-distance

relationship you have to be fully aware

that they are going to reach out to you

because it's the one silver lining in

how bad a long-distance relationship

breakup is there's one silver lining you

can take the fact that it's the most

isolating experience that you'll feel

stupid for having like for putting

yourself through all that pain for

something so unrealistic but the silver

lining is that if you and that person

are actually meant to be together and if

you end up in the same city ever again

the odds are pretty damn high that

you're going to they're gonna want to

meet up with you because you both are in

a nice neat little spot that you have

both done something absolutely insane

together the odds are they aren't ever

going to do a long-distance relationship

again because you've left behind a big

scar and not only is it a scar

it's an itch it's a curiosity it's

unfinished business and that itch will

need to be scratched at some point it

like the odds are that we'll end up in

another relationship or two they'll

certainly date around they're gonna need

to they're gonna have that chapter

unfulfilled within themselves and at

storm stage they are I think you're

pretty much guaranteed that person is

gonna reach out to you because they're

gonna think what you did was so insane

it was so unlikely and deep down that's

gonna communicate to their subconscious

that it must have been oh so

good to have even tried it because

they're not gonna try it with anyone

else and that's why it's a neat little

spot the odds are they are gonna contact

you and if you're in the same city you

can capitalize on that that doesn't mean

you should base your life around this

person whatsoever you should be moving

on you should be taking this as an

opportunity to discover the city that

you've moved to because as I said you've

been locking yourself away and it's very

important for you to get in touch with

reality right now and realize where you

are and all the possibility that lies

before you and how a long-distance

relationship was stealing and sucking

the life right out of you and now you

have an opportunity to become happy

again and that's a great thing because

if you're honest with yourself you

weren't happy in that long-distance

relationship you were only happy

because you were too scared of letting

that person go but that's why there's

good news the good news is they are

gonna contact you just go no contact see

that you can get yourself back let them

get themselves back maybe it'll take a

long time maybe it won't take that long

who knows but if they broke up with you

just give them time eventually they'll

reach out to you and you'll have a

chance to get them back and you'll

always have a higher chance of getting

the Mack if you were madly in love and

then the distance thing just didn't work

out for whatever reason because they

will remember how madly in love they

must have been to even try and that

means that you'll never be forgotten

it's not you're not like everyone else

you're the one they took a huge gamble

with and it didn't pay off because it

never pays off but the future is very

bright whether it's with this person or

someone new don't worry just be happy

for right now you're not in a

long-distance relationship anymore

for God's sakes this is great news you

were miserable be honest with yourself