New Life Live! | How do I encourage my husband of 38yrs to not attach his feelings to things?


welcome to New Life live with host and

founder of New Life Ministries Stephen

our to burn your life live is dedicated

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thanks to the giving hearts to few our

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with wisdom from God's Word to give you

hope and help in life's hardest places

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grief can be complex based upon the

level of resolution that we have is an

individual with our history and our past

and our own emotions and thoughts

especially - if the person we've lost

there is something about them that has

an impact on my unresolved emotions or

history and so it leaves us in a

precarious place where we are struggling

with what do I feel what do I believe

what should I have said what should I be

doing guilt can come in anger can come

in lots and lots of different things to

wrestle with and when and also if that

person traumatized me so we really if we

have what I'm going to call more complex

grief we need more help we need to see

someone that perhaps could help us with

unresolved emotions or feelings of hurt

abuse neglect that we experienced as a

child I love what you're doing on

Facebook live relative to grief David

Kessler worked with Elisabeth

kubler-ross on toward the latter end of

her life and with her permission he

added one more step to the grief cycle

which was to find purpose with a loss

that the loss would create a purpose in

you that somehow your life would be

different because of the loss and you

would have a purpose that was

distinctive from prior to this loss and

I think that was a is a great thing to

also think about Steve I agree and you

know when Dave stoop and I set out to do

the the seven keys to spiritual renewal

which was the foundation of the

spiritual new Bible you know we said

okay no matter what you've gone through

there is this transformation stage and

and our job is to take whatever horrible

thing or you could say whatever Satan

meant for evil whatever could be done

negative from it and you turn that into

one of the most powerful things in your

life whatever the loss was you you make

it something for gain by transforming it

by developing new mission and meaning or

like kubler-ross --is person it's its

new purpose all right we'll take a break

we'll come back more new life live one

eight hundred two two nine three

thousand so glad you're with us today

Milan Yurkovich with me and to hope that

this gonna your leading up to a really

good really good weekend I'm gonna we'll

be back after this four years all I did

was focus on my husband and my needs for

unmet because of his sexual addiction

the counselors focused on him and all

the books I read were about him and how

to help him

my name is Shelley Martinez and I want

to personally invite you to the restore

workshop if you have been affected by

betrayal it might be that your husband

has been looking at pornography it might

be an emotional physical affair I would

love for you to come join us this

weekend gives me permission to now focus

on me you will leave with hope with a

community of sisters ready to support

you and you will also leave with tools

to move you forward on this journey I am

so thankful to New Life for giving me

what I know now is going to be a new

life the restore workshop is coming to

Dallas June 26th through the 28th call

1-800 new life to find out more that's

one eight hundred six three nine fifty

four 33 or online at new


to find out more information about new

life or to order any of the resources

mentioned on today's program call 1-800

new life now back to new life live we're

back and really glad you're with us here

today one eight hundred two two nine

three thousand let's go - how about

Terry Lake George New York that's where

Terry's calling from and WM in V is the

station Terry how are you today very

good thank you

anything we could help you with oh yeah

I guess I'm looking for some direction

and maybe I need a slap in the face to

say yes I'm the one that's wrong I have

a daughter one that does not like any

relationship with our family we probably

see our grandchild every other week and

I'd like to have more connection

grandson well when did it all go away

well um I she holds grudges for a long

time and when she got pregnant they told

us we were not encouraging because we

thought they should get in their

education first before they got married

so they had the child first and then got

married so she was mad about that that

we didn't like ecstatic overwhelmed with

it and then when they made a choice

about living one place to another she

doesn't work

I had voiced my opinion that maybe that

was great because she's not working okay

so you had some negative stuff there

which is kind of a cautionary tale I

think Milan for all people that want to

see their grandkids

perhaps not not the time to be negative

well you're right

Steve the

the point here is you know the Bible

says clearly for this cause will leave

his for this cause a man shall leave his

father and mother so cleave to his wife

who should become one flesh and the word

leave in the Hebrew means cleave that

that was kind of a joke it really means

leave yes the point the point here is is

leaving means a disconnection

emotionally cognitively etc etc etc to a

point of you know like severing an

umbilical cord so the key thing here is

is every time you comment on their

choices you're going to put another

wedge into the relationship and so you

talk about a slap in the face we would

never do that

of course but but it's a good wake-up

call and I love that you led with that

that was a great opening leave that do I

need something yes we need to really

realize this isn't my boy anymore he's a

grown man he left me and he's married to

another woman they're gonna be

independent family therefore my

commentary will soak in and sometimes it

can put my relationship in jeopardy

number two there are some people and we

talk about them in our book how we love

that hold deep grudges who remember

everything hold it against you and then

from that point on your relationship is

tainted and they see you through a

darkened lens from that point on I think

what could be important would be to come

back and really sit down and have a

great conversation saying look we've

done some personal evaluating and we

realized that our commentary on your

choices has not been wise so we'd like

to apologize for that and ask for a

start over a do-over a redo whatever you

want to call it and that oftentimes will

help a person who carries grudges it

will help them allow them to put it

aside because you now agree with them

that that wasn't a good thing so I would

recommend those two talks yeah and you

know the question would be is

any and you really have to if you could

think of this before you ever make a

comment is any of these choices we don't

like that we're gonna comment on and be

negative about or any of those issues

worth not being able to see my grandkids

whenever I want to see them and I would

just say it'd be pretty rare that any of

them would be worth that now let me tell

you why maybe already you've produced

some kind of problem with the kids that

you have you're not really going to make

an impact by criticizing them and

questioning them and it is time for you

to pull out of the parenting role so

you're you do still have a great

opportunity to impact the grandkids

learn from what you did but if you're

still criticizing your kids once they're

often and married well then I have to

wonder well did I learn enough to be a

great grandparent to the grandkids or do

I have more lessons to learn because at

some point you really do have to

transition from the angry parent overly

controlling directed parent to more like

a coach or a happy advocate to whatever

is going on when we can do that I think

we've really shown that we're the mature

parent and we're ready to be great

grandparents otherwise you know you end

up just absolutely miserable absolutely

miserable because you can't see your

grandkids we're working on some eve one

of the things here is is that there can

be problems on both sides of the

equation sometimes you have the kids

that are struggling because they can't

leave and cleave so they maintain a

closeness to the parents and they really

struggle as they themselves with letting


and moving on but then the parents also

struggle and this could be the other

side where they just think - my opinions

matter I've always shared them and but

we don't realize it's criticism you use

that word and I think a lot of times we

question things and others view this

criticism we're just trying to make a

statement that we're just trying to give

an opinion and we have to be greasy we

really have to be careful with those in

decide when are we going to keep our

mouth shut

now Steve you and I have grown kids kids

that are married and we have to be

cautious because we're gonna see things

that they would do that we just normally

wouldn't do right and and so we kind of

have to resign ourselves that either

they learn the lessons we did or they

learn the lessons we didn't but the

relationship and the connection has to

be the number one thing not them

altering something fixing something are

doing it the way we think it ought to be

done okay so I'm gonna send you how we

love our kids and I think that's gonna

help you it's gonna help you see how you

loved your kids maybe some problems that

develop there I hope it's going to be a

blessing to you I think that it will

I'll get that right off to you and

anybody else you can get that at 1-800

new life new life calm now let me

mention it is Mental Health Awareness

Month and you know there's something

that you could do right now to increase

your mental health in this pandemic

epidemic time first thing you could do

is you could get some exercise research

shows that many antidepressants that are

on the market today that if a person

gets good vigorous regular exercise it

can have the same impact that medication

can now that's not in all cases

sometimes in chronic beep huge big

depression isn't gonna do it but

exercise secondly getting rid of sugar

can improve your mental health you know

the less sugar the more stable the

foods the healthier healthier that you

need and then the third thing you could

do here on Mental Health Awareness Month

connect with somebody do a FaceTime call

a zoom meeting whatever you can do don't

let this be an excuse not to do anything

do whatever you can to connect with some

other people just a couple of ideas for

you there let's go to our next caller

and right here let's talk with Karen she

is calling from Allentown Pennsylvania

WB yn hello Karen how are you today I'm

good Steve how are you great what's

going on in your life I'm a little

nervous oh my god I'm very nervous

actually I actually met you back in 2003

I was at the land cruise in La Jolla and

I'm a long time member but anyway so the

reason I'm calm

yeah back in La Jolla yeah well yeah

California yes

so anyway I'm calling about a

relationship I'm 54 and single and I

don't want you to judge me for that

certainly one no I'm okay I'm just

trying to decide if it's I think I don't

have I'm having a lot of conflict about

it and I'm just thinking like I should

you know have more peace it's only been

a few months but just you know and and I

heard Milan and on the last show say

about like psychosis in the first six

months you know when you kind of like

all those warm fuzzy feelings and I'm

just when you start to see things for

what they really are and I'm just trying

to decide whether am I just being

intolerant or if it's something I really

need to just kind of move on from let's

say why don't you just tell us something

that you see and I will let Milan

respond with what he thinks about what

you're seeing okay okay

so when I first met him I mean he came

out of a bad marriage that you know

longtime marriage and there it was some

drug and alcohol used in the marriage

you know he came to Christ a few years

ago which I love but he told he was

honest with me told me he was on

medication if you take certain meds she

says it's for sweet but I really

question if it isn't a bipolar thing

just cause if it meant he's on and I'm a

nurse I know some things about that but

anyway um you know I'm pretty much a

health nut he's a health nut I love that

he's a Christian but he is a truck

driver he admitted to me he smokes on

occasion and also that he drinks on

occasion with these meds so you know

it's just certain things that are just

coming to the surface that I'm just kind

of you know I guess really you know not

I'm thinking long term here I don't want

to you know I mean we both are and you

know when you just have to be realistic

about what you can accept and what you

can't you know what I mean and um just

we do you know I guess that's why I'm

China yes yes another thing I think this

is really kind of crazy but he's with

the whole pandemic thing going on he she

believes in that whole Bill Gates

conspiracy thing which makes me a little

nuts but anyway well what is the mill

Gates conspiracy thing that Bill Gates

was like cause the virus and and and

that the back and he's gonna have this

vaccine that had the chip in it and

people are gonna have to get a vaccine

so he can kind of have control of its

really crazy yeah I can I can't believe

you haven't heard about it but well it's

so crazy

no no I have not heard about it and I

can really kind of tolerate a lot of

things and and understand how people

believe a lot of things that's one that

that's that's a tough one okay so myelin

what are you thinking here let's see

what violet has to think to say about it

on an earlier show I quoted another

author who was talking about the

euphoria that we experience when we fall

in love and she called it a temporary

psychosis which is a temporary when

we're not facing life in reality we're

believing something that's a fantasy

because we so desperately want to

believe it and we continue to live in

that sand

see and we reinforce the fantasy of how

good this will be and how this won't

matter and that conspiracy theory won't

affect me and his previously the

previous marriage that he had failed

well that was them this won't happen to

us and what happens is we end up saying

I do to someone in a marriage Val and

then six months later when the reality

sets in more fully

then people then call our show again and

say you know I'm married to somebody

that isn't meeting my needs you know and

so we we always ask what was the process

of deciding to make a choice to marry

this person and so we have to really

work hard to push past the euphoria and

the fear of being single and you're

right when we get married at this age at

54 years old we we're the choices are

limited so you you I think I heard you

say something to the effect that you

know you're gonna have to put up with

something but I would really encourage

you to slow down and really take you

know a year to two years to evaluate

whether this is a very solid

relationship or not so we're gonna go to

break and when we come back I want to

talk to you about this you asked me if

not to judge you I think you might be

judging yourself over

for most of my life I've been dealing

with an opiate addiction

why is opioid addiction quickly becoming

one of our nation's biggest killers

maybe it's because it isn't only those

who are addicted who are in denial we

did what do I see so many parents do is

it can't be an addiction there's

something medically wrong it's

impossible to solve a problem when you

don't know what you're up against and

families will try to find any

explanation except the one that will put

them on the right path alcoholism and

drug addiction is a family disease it

doesn't affect just the individual if

someone you love is abusing painkillers

know what you're up against it's time to

admit it's addiction and seek treatment

call us today at 1-800 New Life we have

christ-centered partner treatment

centers around the country

call 1-866-931-6190 now

five four three three


we'd love to hear from you if you have a

question or a comment call toll-free

1-800 2 to 9 3000 now back to new life

live we are back so glad you're with us

here today on new life for talking with

Karen hey Karen you still there yes yes

I am still here hey and in my defense

let me just let me just start off by

saying about the 54 and not judging no

and and I love you guys and I listen to

you all the time and I always hear God

speaking through you guys but the one

time I did there was a caller and she

had called in and she was dating some

guys six being single and then I think

you kind of said something that's why

and I'm just really like joking about it

because but emails for the most part I

am okay being 54 and single but I do you

know I long for that in my life honestly

you know I mean and when Milan said to

slow down and take like a year you know

I just don't feel like I have that time

you don't I mean that's why I feel like

I need to make a decision I feel this

pressure and I don't know so that's

that's what I was saying you're saying

to me don't judge you for not being

married at your age but I think your

judging you and that judgment is causing

you to rush something now I'm just gonna

do for you well right but here's the

thing so you you rush it and bend the

next 10 years of your life figuring out

that was a horrible mistake and and

miserable and then yeah okay so here's

what I'm gonna tell you I wrote the book

avoiding mr. wrong right with Meg ring

okay alright I don't know if this is mr.

wrong but I can guarantee you it's mr.

not right now okay uh-huh

so if you don't think you have enough

time for mister not right now to become

mr. right then you need to move on right


if you think this guy might develop into

mr. right and you have the time then

take the time in the let that happen now

here is what I would be dealing with I

would honestly not be telling radio

hosts about your suspicions about

medication I'd be telling him hey wait a

second I know medications

those aren't sleep medications secondly

I know these medications because they

they tell you don't don't drink with it

if you're taking this you are that makes

me question your judgment here and so

I'd be talking to him about those kinds

of things

secondly the Bill Gates conspiracy is

most concerning to me because guess what

happens people people that think Bill

Gates is being unfaithful to his mission

in life to the foundation he's created

to help people yes what happens after

they get married they're suspicious that

the person they married is being

unfaithful I'm just telling me no no I

believe that and you know he has friends

that believe this and he I mean the one

time I just totally went off on him

because I'm like I cannot believe you're

saying these things like this is just

really crazy to me do you mean and and I

have you know the one thing that we have

very open you know is it we have some

good communication and I have talked to

him about the medication and asking

certain things like do you really just

use these personally and and also you

know about the drinking so you know we

have talked it's just I think that

there's another discussion that has to

happen and I don't know if I just need

to you know my thing is do I date others

50 you know just continue to date others

to see if it if it brings me back to him

if we work something out or you know I

well the issue here's the issue he's

wise yeah go ahead

yeah okay so the issue is he's got some

problems right

you can't deny that what's he doing

about his problem oh you absolutely what

are you what are you doing about your

problem and what's he doing back now let

me let me chime in here just for a

second Karen what I'm hearing for you is

that it creates anxiety in you to wait

and so what it tells me is to be single

and or separated isn't an is an

uncomfortable feeling in you and I would

encourage you to look at whatever the

emotions are underneath that and I'd

like to suggest that the feelings you're

feeling in this state of separation that

is to be single you're not joined with

someone I'd like to suggest that

whatever those feelings are you felt for

your whole life for a long time maybe as

long as you can remember when you

experienced separation from someone you

feel anxious or you feel overwhelmed or

you feel threatened or you kill panicky

or you feel scared which causes you to

move toward people quickly because you

will feel better off when I'm connected

and that is a dangerous place to be it's

it's a place that isn't just you Karen

something else perhaps instill that

within you perhaps even as a little girl

the need for proximity and closeness so

you need to work on you to figure out

what is that drive what's driving the

bus there and 54 years old as young it

is not old and so you do need to slow

down take a year but one of the things I

would do Karen if I were you is I would

meet with a therapist and ask what

inside me is driving me to want to

connect so fast that I am blowing by the

red flags right and left

I mean I know we've been on here twice

go ahead I know tell me what wait long

but can we continue can we continue can

I don't have just a few more minutes you

can we'll hang on we'll be back right

after this

for more of New Life live and Karen's

dilemma gonna give her some help right

after this I was skeptical going into it

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every man's battle online workshop she

saw the immediate changed by the end of

the day yesterday her and I had

conversations calm respectful

conversations we've never been there

call 1-800 new life 1-800 and he W L IFE

I was really living a very

anxiety-filled life I turned on new life

and the topic that day was about anxiety

and just by listening like I released

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it's just Karen we want to defend you we

want to help you have a successful life

and Steve and I have seen thousands of

people rushed too quickly and then end

up being in tremendous pain later on and

so we just are we care for you yeah and

and here's here's my message to you care

we care too much to not tell you the

truth here when you've waited so long

and saved yourself so long I don't want

to see you make a mistake after all that

time please don't do it

so hey send him our way get a counselor

be sure he's doing some kind of work and

you do some work too so that it becomes

a good thing not a bad thing all right

let's go to Debbie wants to lead oh yeah

go ahead my team you know you and I have

seen people that have been single for a

long time and then all of a sudden they

get married at 45 50 55 60 and it's a

rude awakening for them to have to share

a house all of a sudden and share a bed

and so on and so forth you agreed

sometimes that is a huge shocker it is

the longer you've waited to get married

the longer you need to wait to marry

somebody that you think you could be

married to because you you do you are

set and it is frustrating but look when

you've got some character flaws here and

some you know some things that aren't

just normal things boy I think you

really got it you got to take a second

look definitely slow down all right

let's go to Debbie Toledo Ohio SiriusXM

how you doing how's it going today I'm

oh pretty good the sun shining thank you

for asking how are you doing okay how

could we help we want to help well I

hope you can I'm not very good at being

concise but I will try I'm actually

calling on my younger daughter's behalf

she just shall be 31 in this month and

she's been married for over five years

to a man who just turned 38 in April we

are Protestants she was and my husband

is a pastor she married a Catholic we

asked her if they had discussed the

differences and she said oh yeah we've

got it under control well long story

short on their honeymoon he started

texting other women he came back not

wearing his wedding band and he's never

treated my daughter like a wife and she

left him a couple of years ago for about

ten months and they have done counseling

since beginning the fourth month after

they were married and so it hasn't done

any good well after they left him no he

talked okay after she left him she

thought he talked to my husband and me

and I said you need the Lord and he says

well I've got him and he said I love

your daughter well she went back to him

and we thought everything was fine and

found out just a couple weeks ago that

everything is not and that he's acting

like he did before he drops the f-bomb

the his language is terrible he doesn't

treat her like a wife they don't have

sex she found evidence of that he's been

looking at torn not online but in some

magazines or something and and so he

finally went to see he has ADHD and

refuses to take medication for that now

that she's threatened to leave he went

to his doctor who gave him an

antidepressant which he is taking I

think as far as I know but of course it

hasn't been long enough to kick in it's

only been about a week

and she she is now she wasn't close to

the Lord when she married him but she is

now she's growing in her face you have

to get to a question nomination you're

gonna have to ask us a question my

question is does she have any biblical

reasons to leave him and get a

dissolution he's not trying he's feeding

her hope and then doesn't act on it okay

here's here's a quick question now why

isn't she calling us why are you the one

that's calling us what this curious owed

her to call you

okay why didn't mom say so why isn't she

calling yeah I have no idea and and what

is she doing to get help for herself

just talking with friends who are

Christians that she tries to so if she's

not even willing to call the radio

program and she's just talking to

friends and you can see that's part of

the problem this is her marriage it's

her life and she really needs to get

some help and sometimes when you think

if a guy says I have the Lord he's okay

but he hasn't done any character work

then that's kind of wishful thinking are

naive to think oh well it's gonna be

okay now

mylan what are your thoughts here what

are you thinking well I agree I think we

have seen Devi regarding the Protestant

Catholic question we've seen people from

all religions professing Protestants etc

who do the same thing they lapse into or

they persist and falling back into a

place that's unhealthy where they're

selfish they are womanizing where

they're addicted to pornography they

stop wearing their wedding bands it's

etc it's not about what religion they're

affiliated with right and then just

going to church doesn't mean that he's

all of a sudden going to rebound

I have Catholic friends that are very

committed to Christ and you know walk

very good lines and in the terms of the

relationships are very responsible and

loving so I really think it's about

healthiness and emotional maturity which

and Steve use this word earlier

character logical change this person

really needs to be in therapy where they

can really and and just because they've

been in counseling since fourth month

but it hasn't worked doesn't necessarily

mean they're going to the right people

there's millions of counselors out there

and not everybody is able to help some

people so they really need to look for

somebody that specializes in that but

Steve to your point your daughter needs

to be doing something here too the

dissolution question I would change that

to a separation says I'll even a legal

separation that says I'm protecting and

guarding myself against you what you

spend your liabilities etc and if you

want to come back to me these are the

things that I require this is a warm

boundary but it is really insisted where

she's now driving the bus not he and

she's demanding something of him and

then she you know doesn't budge on that

separation until she sees true I can't

sissy's point characterological change

all right I hope that's helpful to you

and it's a man that has a character

problem he has to get help for his

character problem and she has to get

help for you know how to get in this and

and I would call magical thinking of

where we think somebody just goes to

church or they say hey I've got the Lord

everything's gonna be okay

you got to work and the fact that they

don't haven't done the work with a great

counselor that

helped them do the work all sorts of

potential has nothing to it being

Catholic or Protestant if both people

are willing to do the work they need to

go to work after I found the pornography

on the internet I said you either get

help I have to leave this household

every day thousands of women discover

their husband is struggling with sexual

integrity and since shelter and place

orders have gone into effect traffic to

porn sites has skyrocketed new lifes

every man's federal workshop can help I

believe that I could do it online I just

believed if I tried hard enough and

pulled myself up hard enough I'm in


I think doing it was a battle that I've

had all my life I had to get help the

every man's battle workshop can be a

trip to the sexual addiction emergency

room during this time of social

distancing the every man's battle

workshop will be held online Saturday

May 9th find sexual integrity

accountability and connection register

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on the planet call 1-800 new life 1-800

ne w Li Fe hi this is dr Dobrynin for 30

years new life has been the most trusted

name in Christian counseling I'm trying

to get God in my life again you seem to

be able to get to the crux of the

problem quickly our Christ centered

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and your family I just want to thank you

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marital problems depression addictions

panic attacks and feelings of

hopelessness came back with so many

tools to help me prepare myself to fight

the struggle in this battle but I have

everyday you can start living again


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help is available at 1-800 new life they

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live we're back Larry Sonnenberg is in

the studio and Larry mid-may here we go

step up help us out talk to this a

little bit well you know what I was just

thinking about the many different ways

people get help from us you know I was

in a you're on a program a week or so

ago and lady said three words changed

their life to change your daughter's

life mm-hmm right and you know we have

workshops online and in-person and

hopefully we'll resume those again soon

counseling sessions people go to people

just call our call center staff get some

resources and help well there's so many

ways God works but it all takes money

and we're doing more than ever before

you're doing Facebook live videos we're

creating and sending daily videos

there's just a lot of stuff we're doing

but we need support to keep it going

and we had a group of people that got

together and pulled their resources and

we have a matching fund that they have

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y'all with so if you would be able to

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it started at three hundred and sixty

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you know and as you make a gift we get

to pull that much money right out of

that and use it so if you give a hundred

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because we're able to take a hundred out

of that fund so would you please make a

gift you know whatever size you can give

up to that maximum and you can give

online you can give by calling

by text you can do so without anything

but the text so we need your cell board

began and we thank everybody who's

giving has given and his created this

match for us

well we've had some amazing blessings

and please keep up the great great work

please because God is doing some great

things here we want to continue to do it

so help us if you can 1-800 you life

that is the number to call Steve can I

comment yes please

well I have been with new life for 16

years and it's been very exciting it's

hard to believe 16 years has gone by but

I want are listening and viewing

audience to really understand I know I

say this a lot and it's my pleasure to

say this and it's unsolicited by anyone


what could stewards new life is of the

monies that are sent into the to New

Life Ministries and it costs a lot of

money to be on the air we have to pay

for our airtime unlike a lot of other

shows where commercials pay for that the

person who's hosting the show doesn't

have to pay anything we have to pay plus

they have commercials so this is not

just something that new life is asking

for because they're not good stewards

this will always be a need it'll always

be present because their time is

expensive and new life and Larry and

Steve you guys do a phenomenal job and I

just want the listening audience know

that thank you thank you so much 1-800

new life if you can help us please do

and let's go to we'll get one time for

one final caller let's go to Sandy from

Phoenix Arizona Sirius XM is the station

hi there how can we help you today hi

there so Mike my question for you guys

is is how can I encourage my husband to

let go of keeping things

and to give just a small background he's

not a hoarder but I've always like

considered him a mini you know hoarders

keeps old vehicles that he's never you

know says he's going to redo and

whatever it doesn't mm-hmm

rooms full of things you know keeps

clothes keep distinct just and I believe

that the attachment is a feeling to the

things and you know we've been married

32 years and I get to the place where I

want to leave I just want to go buy my

own place and live by myself and stay

married I want to lose me I can't

yeah yeah well here's the question why

do you describe him as not being a

hoarder when everything you said

describes him as being a hoarder and

because people that are married to

hoarders want to move out that's what

they do well why why do you say he's not

a hoarder just curious he is a hoarder

that's what hoarders do everything you

said he's a horse well I bought I guess

I'd watched you know the shows

supporting and like I'll use an example

I have you know I have a large house and

the garage is filled with stuff there's

a bedroom

we have rooms but my house is not like a

hoarder house but I should say it's not

what you've seen on TV right no it's

nothing like I have a 3,600 square foot

house 20 let's say 3000 square feet of

it is beautiful and clean and nice and

wonderful but it sees it's the garage

it's the backyard if you if it's if it's

so minimal I can't believe you'd want to

leave so I'm just gonna ask Milan to

give you the best 30 seconds he's got

before we close out the program or take

60 Milan what do you think she ought to

do with the non hoarding hoarder

well the mini hoarder I like that yeah

many heart of listen sandy that would be

very hard to deal with

really number one number two thank you

for calling thirdly I think it's really

important that you explore one of the

words you used which was very astute by

the way that you use the word attachment

why do people stay attached to things

and often a history of their own

struggles with attachment relationally

causes them to hold on to physical

things either that have sentimental

value and remind them of those

attachments or are simply they can't let

go of things because letting go has very

strong feelings of that that are severe

I would go to counseling I would go to

couples counseling and I would instead

of making the you know the presentation

can be really the collection and holding

on to things but really the issue is he

is struggling emotionally and to find

out what that is because it's affecting

your marriage and I would go in together

as a couple and work on that yeah really

really good advice there and I hope that

that is helpful to you and I wish we had

more time but look here's what God says

about all this it's pretty simple but

complex what would it profit somebody if

you could accumulate everything possible

but lose yourself that wouldn't be a

good thing and we don't want that for

any body and so whether you're

accumulating stacks of money or stuff in

a home if it causes you to lose your

first love of Christ and deviate from

loving others well then you got to take

a look at it we've got counselors that

can help you with that we would love to

and you only have to do is call 1-800

new life it's the same number to call if

you can help us matching fun every

dollar you give it gets double so please

do it it's the best time ever

we hope that something we've said is

helpful here hope that kind of is the

country's opening up a little bit that

you're starting to feel better

if you don't don't struggle alone what

is so fantastic is to watch people that

have been hiding or secluding or

isolating to open up and get some help

and to see life start to unfold in a

totally different way and that's what we

want for you so you call us at one eight

hundred new light you know we've got

some great great intensives coming up

we're doing them online you don't have

to travel they're less expensive easier

to do especially what milan and i are

doing with cape our intimacy in marriage

intensive it is fantastic and will make

any marriage a little bit or a lot

better you call this one eight hundred

nine hundred

happy thanks for listening we hope this

program has helped you by giving you

insights for handling the challenges you

face in your life we want you to know

that we're here for you but you also

need to know life life is a

listener-supported ministry to make your

donation or to get any of the resources

mentioned on today's program call 1-800

new life that's one 800 639 5433 or

write to us at New Life Ministries p.o

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six zero nine please join us again

tomorrow for a new life live

hi Steve over here thanks for watching

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