couples in this video we're gonna talk

about the five things you need to do if

your spouse had an affair so in this

video I'm talking to the offended party

the one who is just finding out that

their spouse had an affair and again

just like in the other video where I

talked about the five things the

offender needs to do when they've had an

affair there's also five very important

things for the offended party to be

doing and again my hope here is that

your goal as the person that's just

found out that your spouse has cheated

that your heart is still hopeful that

the marriage can be saved and there's

key things that your spouse is going to

be doing and there's key things that you

need to be doing and that's what we're

gonna talk about in this video this is a

painful painful time I imagine that that

was a very difficult conversation that

your spouse has just recently come to

you sharing this information that

they've been with somebody else it's a

huge breach of betrayal and that's

painful and it's difficult but I want

you to know and I want you to hear me

say there is hope for your marriage

despite all of these things that have

just happened and that may seem like a

very far off and distant thing but if

you go through these five steps that

we're gonna talk about in this video

hopefully you'll start to see that there

is hope that there is a direction that

you can be moving in that is for saving

your marriage and you play a key role in

not being able to happen the first thing

you need to do is take a deep breath

that might seem like a surprising first

step to take but you've just been given

information I'm sure in the last few

hours days or weeks where your spouse

has come to you sharing information that

they're in another relationship it's a

betrayal it's painful it's difficult

it's confusing you're probably starting

to think about all those things like how

did I not see that or why and just the

pain of knowing that your spouse has

cheated it's important for the first

thing for you to do is to take a deep

breath start writing in a journal just

your thoughts and feelings as they come

up because you're gonna run the gamut of

emotions of confusion and anger and

sadness grief I mean all of those things

are very real emotions so the first

thing you want to do is take a deep

breath the second thing you're going to

want to do is talk to someone

to a trusted friend go to your pastor to

a counselor you need to start processing

those things you've been doing through

the journaling and the taking of the

deep breath you need to talk to people

about how you're thinking and how you're

feeling it's gonna be so important for

you to get outside of yourself and just

your thoughts and emotions and let

somebody else help carry that with you

because again part of this whole process

is you coming to the right place in your

own journey of this to be in a place

that you could say I'm willing to fight

for a healthy marriage now again that

may be something that's far off in the

distance that may not be something that

you're ready to hear quite yet but going

through these emotions and talking to

someone about it's going to be really

important for you to get to a place that

maybe down the road hopefully you're

gonna be able to say I can see that our

marriage could be saved we've got a lot

of work to do but I could see that it

could be saved the third thing you need

to do is have a conversation with your

spouse now this is a hard one this is

where you need to have some initial

conversations of trying to get on the

same page with even where your spouse is

coming from are they interested in

saving the marriage are you interested

in saving the marriage have you broken

off that other relationship yet how do I

know if you've broken that relationship

why haven't you broken off that

relationship you know what are we doing

from right now if we have any thought

that we would want to maybe save the

marriage what do we need to start doing

now what are some of the questions you

might want to ask about the specifics of

the affair how long has it been going on

how serious is it for you where did you

meet this person where would you guys go

to meet one another if there's more

specifics that you want to know about

the physicality of the affair that's up

to you but that's probably a good thing

to talk about with those trusted friends

counselor pastor before you venture into

that you may not be quite ready for some

of that information but the important

thing is is that you need to have a

conversation with your spouse to get

that conversation started and just where

each of you are in the process and again

no major decisions should be made right

now you're just kind of getting your

feet back under you with this new

information but make sure you have that

conversation with your spouse and start

figuring out where they are and where

you are and how you're

bonding to that information the fourth

thing you need to do is take time to

evaluate once you've been talking to

your spouse and you're kind of getting a

sense maybe for where they are and what

their heart is about you're kind of

getting to see what their heart looks

like or they are they sorry

are they remorseful are they defensive

are they secretive still are they an

open book and really start evaluating

what that conversation with your spouse

look like and what that means for you

personally right now talk about that

with that trusted friend pastor

counselor and really start evaluating

what does this new information or this

initial conversation what does that mean

for me what step am I taking what am i

comfortable doing what am I not

comfortable doing again those things all

have to come through evaluating how that

conversation went with your spouse and

the fifth thing that you need to be

doing is praying and seeking the truth

of God's Word you know again God's

desire is that marriage is strong and

healthy and divorce is not something

that God wants for any of us and when

you find yourself in a situation like

this it's very easy to just immediately

make the decision well my spouse cheated

I've got a free card and I'm out and

there's just no way we could come back

from that but the truth is is that God

can do miracles in your marriage and in

this situation and you need to be

praying and trusting that God can help

give you the strength the wisdom the

insight that you need to take those

steps that could say you know I could

see that we could start fighting for

this marriage and I am open and willing

to do that once certain things are in

place so for you the offended party

difficult situation that you're in but

go through these five steps and

recognize that time is on your side and

beautiful things can still come out of

this horrible situation