It Is OK For MEN To CRY? - How To Deal With Emotions As A Man?

in this video I'm gonna be talking about

when is it okay to show negative

emotions around a woman as a man there's

a lot of misinterpretation and

misunderstanding about what it means to

be stoic what it means to be masculine

what it means to be a man and it doesn't

mean that you don't have emotions or

that you never show emotion I'm John

from bulldog mines calm and on this

channel I teach you how to be a man

today in modern society if you want to

learn how to develop yourself as a man

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get notifications anyway I got this

question and I got on my Instagram by

the way if you're not following me on

instagram already go ahead and follow

Bulldog mindset there and you can ask me

questions a lot of times I'll do videos

on this so I got this question and and

he says here I have one question about

stoicism when is it okay to show

negative emotions around a woman I mean

that an example is it only allowed to

cry around here if some of your family

member friend or pet died or fallen a

little serious disease or something like

that or what when when people say men

don't cry and then people have problems

with that and say that's not true it's

okay to cry as a man they're both are

right and both are wrong right here's

why is because that's not you can't draw

a simple line it's not like saying okay

men real men don't ever cry that's not

the case what is the case is that real

men do not very loosely allow their

emotions to escape out of them and to

take actions based on those emotion if

we were to boil down still look

philosophy to its core and say what is

it really that stoic philosophy is what

is it really to be stoic it's not

indifference to pain or pleasure it's

it's that pain or pleasure or rather

emotion does not change your action okay

that you're a man of action so what does

that mean what does that look like if

you're a man who is stoic right and and

I will basically equates tose ism with

with manliness with with being a man

with masculinity for a really good

reason here but if if you are a

masculine man if you're a stoic man

okay what it means is that can be

going down okay you're gonna be having a

hard day you can have your pet just died

whatever it is okay but you're gonna

keep on moving forward and you're gonna

still go to the gym and you're still

gonna work out

you're still going to get the done

that needs to get done you're still

gonna go to work and do your mission in

life and take care of the people that

you need to take care of right now where

does this really come into play where is

this important from a biological from a

selection standpoint why would females

find this attractive in men okay the

reason why is because let's say that

you're in some kind of a war situation

or some kind of a life-or-death

situation the guys that are gonna be

scared and let their emotion of fear

prevent them from killing that that

wooly mammoth right or defending against

that saber-toothed tiger those guys are

not the guys that you won't have around

they're the ones that are gonna run away

they're the ones who are gonna say here

take the kid eat the kid right eat the

girl okay and they're gonna save

themselves okay because they're gonna be

overwhelmed by their emotions okay in

the in the same token those are the guys

that you know again you're not gonna be

able to depend on them they're not gonna

be reliable because if they're having a

bad day of third depressed they're not

gonna function they're not gonna be

strong they're not gonna be there

they're not gonna be the person that can

defend someone else because when they're

having a bad day they're they're

allowing it to affect their their

well-being and how they act right so a

man that is non emotional in what I mean

by non emotional which means that he

doesn't his actions are not tied to his

emotions is really the key thing here

it's not about not crying it's not about

not showing negative emotions okay it's

about not letting the negative emotions

overwhelm you and to allow you that to

dictate your actions now women are

famous for being called emotional women

are going to be more emotional in the

sense that they're gonna let their

emotions affect how they act more right

so when we see a man that is allowing

his emotions affect how he acts

we call him feminine we don't think of


much of a man we see that as weakness

right so a lot of times if a guy is

quote crying okay it's not that he's

crying okay it's not that he's sad it's

that that sadness okay has allowed him

to or caused him to act in a certain way

right so again you could just say the

very act of crying you know you could be

overwhelmed with emotion and you could

cry as a man that's yeah I've cried for

sure there's there's definitely but for

the most part I'm not letting people see

me crying I'm not letting people see I'm

holding up a strong front okay now

regardless of what's going on inside

okay now that's not toxic it's not toxic

masculinity it's not is it it's just

being smart okay it's just being the

kind of person that realizes that

ultimately this is my to deal with

okay I'm not gonna make you deal with my

okay and this is again the opposite

between the masculine and feminine the

feminine says hey you know what

here's my emotions deal with the

okay and they projected out onto the

world whereas men do not do that they

instead internalize it okay and they

deal with their own and they be and

they're actually taking the burden of

other people and dealing with that as

well these are just the roles okay these

are just the masculine and feminine role

it's not bad or wrong women are more

expressive of their emotions and more

more going with the flow right of the

now and their emotions to some degree

it's a good it's a good thing because

they can enjoy life a little bit more

because they can let go of things a

little bit more than because they can

you know go with how they're feeling and

be more in tune with how other people

are feeling they have that that

empathetic type of ability that a lot of

guys do not have okay especially in the

masculine right whereas men though the

value of not being influenced by your

emotions is like I said it's going to

come down to situations where it is a

critical situation right where it is a

life in a situation where it is war

where it is important to you know make

decisions that are going to hurt people

okay because sometimes you have to make

those decisions where it's going to hurt



it's gonna require a huge sacrifice and

you're gonna have to go for it and do

this thing anyway that's that's the

value of that when you ask the question

though is it okay to show negative

emotions around a woman or when is it

okay that's the wrong question that's

what I'm trying to get at it's not okay

to not be in control of your actions

it's not okay to connect your emotional

feelings with how you act okay you as a

man you need to be able to separate

those two things out you can feel sad

you can be upset you can be angry you

can't control emotions directly okay

I've talked about this in some other

videos about how you can gain more

emotional mastery and more control of

your emotions indirectly okay and to

prevent negative emotions from occurring

but you cannot control for instance fear

right if you are afraid of snakes and

you see a snake it doesn't matter how

much you will in your mind to not be

afraid the snake comes okay you see the

snake all right you feel fear you cannot

control that you can't suppress it you

can't say I'm not feeling the fear but

what you can do is you can have courage

okay and you can take the the garden hoe

and chop off the snake's head or the

shovel or whatever it is and defend your

household from the snake okay now that

again this is a super valuable thing

that as a man to be able to do because

if you don't do that if you see the

snake okay and you go and run because

you're afraid and you don't have courage

okay and you let your emotions master

you then what's gonna happen well in you

know in maybe in the in the caveman days

the snake comes into your cave and

starts biting everyone all right or

whatever it is okay I've you know the

malicious snake right apparently

but you I think you get my point when

someone pisses you off you're going to

be angry okay but do you need to show

anger and act out of anger or can you

act rationally so any of those negative

emotions when you act off of those

negative emotions that is is what makes

you less of a man that's what makes you

weak okay vulnerability does not make

you weak for you to show that it is

upset you to some degree or to you know

to even to cry is fine there's nothing

necessarily wrong with that if you're

doing that all the time

you know you're obviously letting your

emotions take you into control you as a

man okay but if

showing that emotion it just shows that

you have a heart that you have some

compassion that you feel deeply okay but

the question is what do you do after

that and how long liked you now do you

like have something happened to you and

then you cry and you go and you lock

yourself in a room and you just cry for

the next couple of days and and you're

all sad you don't want to come out of

bed and you know you're like how could

you take care of me and you're looking

for comfort and hugs and all this

okay now you're weak all right now it's

no good okay but if you're just like you

know you're just you're overwhelmed by

emotion you can't control but help like

crying again then because you're so

distraught by this thing that's happened

okay but you're still ready to take your

spear and go into battle

then fight okay then then it's a totally

different thing right so that's why it's

the wrong question right it's it's not

about that in again I think that the

whole idea of being still I can soak

philosophy especially as it relates to

being a man and being masculine is very

misunderstood okay it's not that you

don't experience emotion you cannot

control and I've told you guys this many

many times you cannot directly control

the emotions that you experience you

will experience emotions whether you

like it or not okay a whole range of

emotions okay it's it's not controllable

okay but what you can control is your

reaction and the actions that you take

in response those emotions right a

person who is constantly you know at

least a man I'll say that is constantly

driven by his emotions is going to be a

weak man he's gonna be easily

manipulated by women by other men okay

again and this is you you could take a

lot of this into the whole bread pill

you know philosophy as to its

interactions with women why it you have

to act in a certain way and why you

should not be doing certain certain

actions right because if a woman can

easily manipulate you right again we

could go into the nice guy syndrome and

buying flowers and presents and

showering women with compliments and and

all these things and being you know a

nice guy is a guy that's easily

manipulated right he the the affection

of that woman that validation that that

she gives him is gonna cause him to she

can use that as a weapon

to to basically get him to do whatever

she wants that's a weakness okay that

weakness can be exploited by other women

and by other men and that makes him less

of a man it does okay whereas a man that

experiences the full range of emotions

okay is empathetic is understanding is

is genuinely a good person or a kind

person but is still objective enough to

act based on on his will on what he's

supposed to do what his purpose and

mission is not based on what emotion

he's feeling at that time is a stronger

man okay it's the opposite for women for

women one of the you know the attributes

are the feminine attribute that we value

very highly is that women are actually

overwhelmed by their emotions and that

their actions are driven from their

emotions okay now that again like I said

for a man that's for a weakness is a

weakness but for a woman that's not

necessarily weakness is a good thing

like you think about when you think

about a very like soft and feminine

woman and you know what you know a good

attribute a positive attribute of her is

that she's super caring that she takes

care that she nurtures okay and those

come out of just like an extreme

compassion for someone else that that

compels the action okay when you think

about you know even just a violent rage

now those could be the darker side of it

but but that's that's another component

of it that that we would consider to be

more feminine right a man should be able

to control and in and not act on his

emotions okay so that's again this is

just where the whole confusion I think

lies in the whole stoic philosophy and

and being a man I think I've pretty much

beat this horse to death I'll say this

if you guys have any questions or

comments about this leave them below and

let me know let me know if this makes

sense I'll talk to you next time take